PARSHAS KI SETZEI 5779

 “RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Ki Setzei
    
13 Elul 5779/September 13, 2019 – Avos perakim 1-2

              Early Friday morning this past week, as I was preparing the
Gemara I would be teaching in shiur later that day, I recalled a question one
of my students had asked me about a certain halacha regarding b’ris milah. I
have a couple of seforim about b’ris milah that are together on a shelf, and I
reached for one of them. If I receive a Sefer as a gift or if I purchase it at
a memorable place or a special occasion, I often will record that on the inside
cover of the Sefer. When I opened that particular sefer about b’ris milah I
found that I had written the following in Hebrew: “I purchased the sefer in
honor of the birth of our twins on the sixth of Elul, Erev Shabbos parshas
Shoftim 5776, and, through the kindness of Hashem, we entered them into the
b’ris of Avrohom Avinu on time (the eighth day) Friday, the thirteenth of Elul.”
              I will
admit that with seven children b’h and never being good with numbers, I don’t
remember all of my children’s birthdays. Although we are preparing to celebrate
the twins’ upsherin iyh in the near future, for practical reasons it will be
after their birthday. After reading the inscription, it dawned on me that that
day was 6 Elul, and it was the twins’ third birthday.

These types of things happen every now and then.
But they feel like a small kiss from heaven. What are the odds that I would
pull out that particular sefer (which I probably haven’t looked at in three
years) on that particular morning?!
              Of course,
as soon as I informed Chani that it was their third birthday, our minds flashbacked
to where we were three years earlier. Just as it was this year, that year 6
Elul was Friday, erev parshas Shoftim. We were in Columbia hospital in
Manhattan, waiting for the babies to be born. I had an eye on the clock knowing
that if they were born before Shabbos, I would have to race across the George
Washington Bridge on a late summer weekend for a double Shalom zachor.

Amazingly, they were born healthy in the early
afternoon. After holding them for a few minutes, I rushed home and, with the
help of my parents, friends and neighbors, we arranged a beautiful Shalom
zachor.
              As the
pregnancy was fraught with complications, and Chani needed weekly and often
bi-weekly tests, the insurance company would send us numerous receipts of bills
they had paid. At first, out of curiosity we opened them. But when we saw the
astronomical amounts they were paying, we decided it was better not to look.
But I kept all the envelopes in a large plastic bag as a reminder to us of the
chesed Hashem had done for us.
              After realizing
that it was their third birthday, I took out the huge bag of envelopes to
marvel at it. For a few moments it rekindled within me that indescribable
feeling of gratitude to Hashem. My mind was flooded with memories of reciting
tehillim together in the waiting room, nervously watching screens, the
overwhelming fear of the unknown, consulting with doctors and nurses, and then
finally the incredible moment when I was able to actually hold our two miracles.

The events of that morning afforded me a unique
perspective on the concept of teshuva. The simple meaning of teshuva is to
return. Our sins create a spiritual distance between us and G-d and when we repent,
we return to again be closer to His embrace.
              But
perhaps teshuva also refers to returning and reflecting upon the past. That we
need to reflect upon our negative deeds and character traits so we can improve,
is obvious. But on another level, we also need to reflect and remind ourselves
of the trajectory of our lives.
              The Gemara
Kidushin relates that Rav Yochanan would stand respectfully for every elderly
person he encountered, even a non-Jew. Life is the greatest teacher, and
therefore an elderly person is deserving of respect simply by virtue of the
fact that he has inevitably absorbed the wisdom and lessons of a life lived.
              My rebbe,
Rabbi Berel Wein, often says that when a person learns to drive, before he
pulls onto the road, he has to look into his rear-view mirror. One has to see
what’s behind him to know how and if he can proceed. Rabbi Wein explains that
that is why it’s so important for us to know Jewish history.
              This is
true not only globally, but on a personal level as well. When we look back at
the events that have shaped our last year and the course of our lives, it’s
clear that there is a force which prods and guides us, even though It’s not
always the way we would have chosen or what we would have wanted.
              Rosh
Hashana is called “Yom Hazikaron”, loosely translated as Memorial Day. It has
such a title because G-d “remembers” all of our deeds of the previous year, and
judges us accordingly.

Many seforim explain that the very concept of
the remembrance of G-d, Who never forgets, is that G-d “remembers” based on how
much we remember. The more we remember and reflect upon G-d in our lives, the
more He remembers our good deeds and reflects upon us positively.

As part of our process of teshuva we should
mentally return to the events of the previous year, and of our entire lives
until now, to recognize the divine force that lovingly shapes our lives, even
when that path is unclear to us.
           
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum       

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