“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Vayera 5787
18 MarCheshvan 5786/ October 30, 2026
TRUE FRIEND
22 Cheshvan marks the first yahrtzeit of Mrs. Binah Kasirer a”h.
In Camp Dora Golding, our family has had the pleasure of being next door neighbors with the Kasirer family during the summer for over two decades. We love the Kasirers and have benefited greatly from their sincerity, sagacity, wisdom, love, and friendship. Mrs. Kasirer would refer to my wife as her younger sister. Her passing was a terrible blow to all who knew her and loved her. We truly feel we lost an older sister.
Mrs. Kasirer was full of life, vivaciousness, and love for others. She had incredible bitachon and was constantly learning and growing. Needless to say, her passing was and is a painful loss for the collective Camp Dora Golding family.
The one comfort for our family is that we continue to be neighbors with her esteemed husband, Rabbi Hersh Kasirer, who shares her virtues and qualities and also inspires by example.
In Camp Dora Golding each summer, on Tisha b’Av morning there are inspirational speeches and videos shown in between the recitation of Kinnos. As can be imagined, on Tisha b’Av morning this past summer, much of the program centered around the loss of Mrs. Kasirer. There was a video compilation shown and the speakers shared reflections and lessons to be learned from her life. The most tear-evoking of all was the heartfelt speech given by Rabbi Kasirer about his late wife.
On Tisha b’Av afternoon, a camper in Rabbi Kasirer’s learning group came over to him and asked if he could give Rabbi Kasirer a hug. As he hugged Rabbi Kasirer the camper whispered, “I don’t know how you do it”.
Rabbi Kasirer replied to his camper that initially he also didn’t know how he would “do it”. But on Friday night during the Shivah for his wife, when he sang Lechah Dodi, it struck him – in this song we refer to Hashem as Dodi, my Friend. Friends never want to hurt each other. “If Hashem is my friend, then what He is doing can’t be bad, even if it’s challenging and painful.” Rabbi Kasirer noted that that thought changed his perspective and helped him immeasurably.
He added that for years he had often contemplated the concept of Hashem being “dodi”. That was why, in a moment of emotional challenge, he was able to draw strength from the idea he had internalized.
What does it mean that Hashem is our friend? The pasuk (Mishlei 27:10) says, “Rei’acha v’rei’ah avicha al ta’azov – Your friend and the friend of your father do not forsake”. Rashi explains that the friend of our father refers to Hashem, who was a “close friend” of our forefathers. But He is not just a family friend, He is also our own personal friend (see Shemos Rabbah 27:1).
The Gemara (Shabbos 31a) relates that a gentile came to Hillel and told him to convert him to Judaism on condition that he (Hillel) teach him the entire Torah while standing on one foot. Hillel replied, “That which is hateful to you, do not do to your friend. This is the entire Torah. All the rest is an elaboration of that central point. Go and learn it.”
It is difficult to understand what Hillel meant Even if that dictum represents interpersonal mitzvos, how does it represent mitzvos that are “between man and Hashem”?
Rashi suggests that the friend Hillel was referring to is Hashem. Hillel was telling the would-be convert that just as a person finds it hateful when someone disregards his wishes, so too one should not disregard the Will of Hashem – his greatest friend – as embodied in the mitzvos of the Torah.
What does it mean that Hashem is our friend? A true friend is someone who accepts you unconditionally, is trustworthy, loyal, unwavering, nurturing, listening, caring, compassionate, and genuine.
At times we may feel unworthy of a connection with Hashem. The internal voice within us may tell us that Hashem – who knows our shortcomings and our sins – cannot possibly want to hear our prayers and doesn’t value our mitzvos and our efforts. But that is an egregious lie! Like a true friend who is there for you in the best of times and in the worst of times, Hashem never closes the door in our face, no matter what we have done or how spiritually low we have fallen.
A dear colleague of mine, Rabbi Dr. Joel Berman, recently shared with me a powerful thought he heard from Rabbi Yisroel Simcha Schorr:
The Torah relates that after Adam sinned and ate from the forbidden fruit, Hashem said to him, “Who told you that you are naked?” The words are understood to be a stinging rebuke of Adam for falling from the spiritually high level he had been on before he sinned.
The Divrei Shmuel however explained that Hashem did not say those words to Adam. Rather He shouted them, as it were, “WHO TOLD YOU THIS FALSE IDEA THAT AFTER COMMITTING A SIN, YOU’RE NAKED AND BEREFT OF ANY CONNECTION WITH ME?!”
Hashem shouted at Adam that he must never ever believe that Hashem rejected him. Hashem may be disappointed with a person’s deeds. But He NEVER shuts the door and never stops believing in and waiting for a sinner to return.
The ultimate friend is there even in the most shameful and compromising times and situations.
After Tisha b’Av I was discussing with Rabbi Kasirer the interaction between him and the camper. Rabbi Kasirer added that his late wife had always lived her life with that perspective as well. She had a lot of health challenges over the years and was often in tremendous pain. But her absolute faith that Hashem was her best friend and was always with her, never wavered. That’s how she was able to be such a beacon of positivity and encouragement to others, despite, or perhaps because of, her own challenges.
An esteemed mentor of mine from Camp Dora Golding often quips that, “They just don’t make them like the Kasirers! They’re cut from a different cloth than the rest of us.”
The Kasirers lived/live their lives connecting with Hashem and emulating Him. In that divine sense, they are the ultimate friends.
Even though Mrs. Kasirer is no longer here physically, the effect of her friendship continues to inspire and warm all who knew her.
May her memory be for a blessing and may Hashem continue to comfort her esteemed family and all of us who miss her dearly.
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum
STRIVINGHIGHER.COM