“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Terumah
Shabbos Rosh Chodesh Adar
1 Adar 5785/ February 28, 2025
SMALL GIFTS
During the last few days, I’ve been thinking about some of the wonderful things in my life that I take for granted:
- Coming home at the end of the day, and knowing my workday is over
- Learning with my children and helping them with their homework even when I’m tired and not so in the mood
- Enjoying my wife’s home cooked supper
- Being able to sleep in a comfortable bed with clean fitting sheets and a good blanket
- Being able to sleep through the night without knowing that I’m likely going to be woken up a few times
- Being able to sleep in pajamas
- Waking up in the morning and changing into clean clothes and not wearing clothes I slept in overnight
- Being able to make coffee in my kitchen in the morning
- Davening with a minyan
- Leaving my house in the morning to follow my usual schedule
- Waking up on Friday morning to the smells of Shabbos and seeing the table set for Shabbos
- Dealing with the rush and bustle of Erev Shabbos at home
- Being able to twist my hand comfortably and not be in pain or need assistance to do mundane things
- Not being hooked up to monitors and an IV
What prompted my newfound appreciation for these routine gifts of life? It has to do with the tragic truth that we don’t appreciate things when we have them.
Two weeks ago, on Monday afternoon I was driving to Orchos Yosher, the yeshiva where I serve as principal and teach literature during the afternoons. I was finishing a phone call when I received two consecutive calls from Shimmie Katz, the building director at Heichal HaTorah, where I am a rebbe in the morning and where my eleventh-grade son is a talmid. Shimmie also drives for Hatzolah. I nervously called back and Shimmie told me that I was conferenced into a call with my wife. He then explained that our son Avi had been playing basketball in the gym when he tripped and fell on his arm. He was in terrible pain and his hand was hanging down in an awkward manner. They were taking Avi to the nearby Emergency Room in Hackensack, NJ via ambulance. My wife immediately said that she would meet them there.
I went to teach and be the principal and then went home to take care of our other children.
Meanwhile in the ER, after a long wait, Avi’s hand was finally reset and temporarily casted. He had broken it in two places and would require surgery the following day. Avi was finally admitted and given a room. I came to the hospital around 11 pm so that my wife could return home.
The surgery was scheduled for Tuesday afternoon but then got delayed and delayed again until it had to be rescheduled for Wednesday afternoon. Another night in the hospital.
It wasn’t until late Wednesday afternoon that Avi was finally wheeled into surgery. When he finally returned to his room, it was too late for him to have any chance to go home that night. We finally arrived home with Avi on Thursday afternoon. Within an hour after arriving home, we received a call from the hospital informing us that he had been discharged prematurely, and he had to return to the hospital as soon as possible.
My wife brought him back on Thursday night. The doctor told us she would try to have him discharged Friday morning. Sparing the details about a very tense Friday watching the clock and trying to get an answer from the doctor we needed, my wife and Avi arrived home literally 5 minutes before candle lighting. I helped Avi put on tefillin 5 minutes before shekiah.
I had spent two nights sleeping on the couch in the hospital room, sleeping in my clothes, on an unfitted sheet with a thin blanket. My wife spent the other two nights of Avi’s hospital stay with him. During a couple of those nights there was snow and ice to contend with, as we tried to figure out going to work, tending to our other children and also being there for Avi as much as we could.
Being in a hospital always brings about a feeling of humbled gratitude for the amazing Chesed of Klal Yisroel. The ability to find a Bikur Cholim room stocked with all types of food makes one feel proud to be a Jew. Having amazing friends who want to help, including visiting, offering assistance and bringing meals to the hospital is also an incredible gift.
The challenge of being in the hospital was not only about seeing my son in pain and dealing with so many different hospital details, but also dealing with our own emotions, not sleeping properly and dealing with the frustration of numerous unexpected changes.
In the end, we spent the better part of a very difficult week in the hospital. It’s hard to imagine how incredibly hard it is for those who have to spend numerous nights in the hospital with a child who is ill.
The gemara (Ta’anis 29a) states that when Adar comes, we increase our joy. One of the proven ways to feel happier is from being more mindful and grateful.
If only we could appreciate the blessings we have without losing them.
Chodesh Tov & Gut Chodesh
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum
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