Striving Higher

ROSH HASHANAH 5780

 “RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Netzovim
    27
Elul 5779/September 27, 2019 – Avos perakim 5-6
               Although we may not
want to admit it, there are certain berachos of Shemone Esrei that seem to
resonate with us more deeply than others. The berachos in which we ask Hashem
for health, livelihood, and deliverance from pain are probably ones we focus on
the most, as those are all things we feel we constantly need.
              Perhaps
the beracha that resonates least is that of Hashiva Shofteinu, the
prayer that Hashem restore our judges and judicial system. While we definitely
await the return of the Sanhedrin, we tend to feel that the prayer for the
return of our judges isn’t as urgent and pressing as the other prayers. After
all, most of us aren’t judges and don’t have to adjudicate any pressing matters.
              Or are we?
              Rabbi
Shimshon Pincus zt”l noted that in fact every individual is a judge every day
and throughout his day. We are constantly deliberating, making decisions, and
judging situations. But more profoundly, we often judge people and decide how
we should proceed in our interactions with them. As parents, we constantly
judge our children, and in our jobs, we constantly judge potential clients and
business situations. As spouses, siblings, children, neighbors, and friends we
pass judgement on the actions and the intentionality of those we are closest
with and decide how to proceed based on our conclusions. It is those
conclusions that often cause rifts and painful disagreements, or draw us closer.
              Rabbi
Avigdor Nebenzhal shlita relates that someone once asked him how he could judge
a neighbor favorably, when he was quite sure he had seen him commit overt sins.
Rabbi Nebenzhal poignantly replied, “why do you have to judge him? Are you his
rabbi? Is there anything you can accomplish by judging him?”
              We take it
so for granted that we judge, that it doesn’t even occur to us that it’s not
our place to always decide matters relating to other people’s lives.
              A family
friend related that her family is going through a very hard time because her
son is OTD (Off The Derech). They suffer ongoing anxiety about his
future, fear for his daily welfare, and anguish over his current lifestyle.
They also must exercise incredible restraint to be loving and accepting of him,
even as they fear for the poor life decisions he has made. They also have to
contend with the anguish of shattered dreams and hopes, aside for trying to
shield their other children from making this child’s same mistakes. But – she
noted – the worst of it all, is the judgement she feels from friends,
relatives, and neighbors. The looks, and sometimes even verbalized condemnation
and critique of the decisions they made and make, causes the situation to be that
much harder.
              She
dolefully noted that when a family is stricken with a sick child c’v the
community bonds together in such a special and loving manner. There are
numerous programs and chesed organizations that help the family cope during
that painful and challenging time. But when a family has an OTD child those
programs are largely absent. Instead there is added shame and judgement heaped
upon the already suffering family.
              Single
divorced parents who struggle mightily to try to maintain some semblance of
normalcy for their children, endure similar challenges. While widows and
widowers often receive deserved sympathy, divorcees often feel judged and
distanced. There is almost an unverbalized feeling of “maybe if you weren’t so
stubborn” or “maybe if you prioritized your kids more, you wouldn’t be in this
mess!”
              Older
singles often must contend with comments from others about why they aren’t
married yet.
              Then
there’s the old issue of the stigma of mental illness. It’s not enough that
people suffer the discomfort, and challenge of mental illness, but they also
have to have the added indignity of being judged by those who are convinced
that they understand it all and are therefore qualified to offer advice, or
judge the situation.
              Rav
Yoylish, the Satmar Rebbe, once called a chosid of his who lived in Miami,
Florida to find out information about a certain divorced widow who lived there.
The Rebbe was was trying to set up a shidduch for her and he wanted his chosid
to give him some information about her. The chosid was excited to help his Rebbe
and he replied that he knew who she was because she lived right down the block
from him, and he would be happy to find out any information the Rebbe wanted to
know. To his surprise, there was silence on the line, which was followed with
what sounded like sniffling; it sounded like the rebbe was crying. The chosid
was beside himself. “What did I say rebbe? If the rebbe needs the information sooner,
I’ll call back in five minutes.”
              The rebbe
replied, “How can you call yourself a chosid of mine? There’s a divorced woman
who lives down the block from you and you don’t know basic information about
her? You never invited her and her family for a Shabbos seudah? You never
inquired whether she needed anything? How can you consider yourself a chosid of
mine?”
              Perhaps
this year we can try to concentrate more when we recite the beracha of Hashivaynu.
We should have in mind that Hashem should help us judge properly in all those
situations throughout our day when we must draw conclusions and decide how to
proceed. But even more profoundly, we should daven that Hashem return the real
judges of our nation, those who have the ability and authority to pass true
judgement. Until then we should have the wisdom and humility to stop passing
judgement on others, unless it’s our place and responsibility.
              When we
act as proper judges, we can hope that the celestial courts will judge us
accordingly as well.
             
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos
Kesiva Vachasima Tova & Shana Tova,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum       

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