Pinchos 5780

 “RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Pinchos
18 Tamuz 5780/July 10, 2020
Avos perek 6
SIGN OF THE TIMES
            During
the last few weeks, there have been a plethora of signs cropping up on people’s
lawns. Some wish congratulations to graduates while others thank teachers and
health care workers for going above and beyond the call of duty during the
pandemic. There are also many such messages appearing on the windows of cars,
some of which include best wishes for couples who recently got married.
            There
are always challenges and difficulties one encounters along the path of growth.
When a person accomplishes something noteworthy which he worked hard to
achieve, the congratulations wishes, blessings and encouragement of others help
fuel him to forge on to the next level.
            However,
there is a vital distinction between recognition and overexposure. So much of
people’s lives are laid out on social media for one and all to see. Three
billion people – about 40% of the world’s population – use online social media.
On average, people spend two hours every day sharing, liking, tweeting and
uploading. Studies have shown that Facebook usage has been linked to increased
feelings of jealousy, and negative relationship outcomes. Social media usage
effects people’s moods, and can increase anxiety and depression. The reasons
for this can include cyber-bullying, having a distorted view of other people’s
lives, and feeling that time spent on social media is a waste. Social media
usage at night effects sleep patterns, which has on overall effect on people’s
mood and wellbeing. More than half of social media users report feeling
inadequate. For younger users, they also report feeling unattractive.
            But
there is another component to the dangers of social media which is not so
apparent: the effect that it has upon relationships.
            When
Chani and I became engaged, and then when we were first married, there was one
couple we were particularly close with who gave us much time and guidance. One
of the things we noticed about them was that they would often giggle and laugh
together.
            Everyone
notes how cute it is when a young newly married couple laughs together and look
like they are on cloud- nine. But the truth is that that isn’t so impressive;
in fact, at that point, it’s more natural. However, when life becomes busier
and there are a bunch of children, then it becomes rarer for couples to laugh
together or share such moments. At that point it becomes that much more
important to foster and share such times. The fact that this couple, who had
numerous children, and a busy life, still shared private jokes and giggled
amongst themselves was a great inspiration for us as newlyweds.
            Part of
what makes a relationship special is its exclusivity. If there aren’t private
social moments the relationship is lacking. When a husband or wife do something
special for each other, it should remain between them. That privacy deepens the
bond and connection between them. But if those special moments or gifts are
posted online, that is a serious breach in the relationship.
            Many
people don’t realize this point when they post pictures of their private
anniversary dinner, or of a gift that their spouse gave them. Such beautiful
events and gifts are no one else’s business.
            Shiva
Asar B’Tamuz marks the day when the walls of Yerushalayim were breached by the
Romans. A few painful weeks later, the Roman invaders destroyed the second Bais
Hamikdash and initiated our two-millennia long exile.
            Yerushalayim
was a city that symbolized our intimate connection with Hashem. It is, and has
always been, a city of holiness, dedicated to serving Hashem on all levels.
When the enemy infiltrated the city walls, it also symbolized the breach of our
deep private relationship with Hashem. In a sense, we had allowed external
influences to penetrate our private and exclusive relationship. Therefore, what
had been private and lofty was now rendered obsolete because of external
intrusion. That is part of what we mourn on Shiva Asar B’Tamuz. If the cracks
in a relationship – like the cracks in the foundation of a building – are not
repaired, the gap will slowly widen. Eventually, it will cause the whole relationship
to be pulled apart, and the whole building will collapse.
            On Shiva
Asar B’Tamuz it behooves us to also focus on the cracks in our relationships.
That includes marriages, friendships, within our families and communities.
            We hope
that if we work to repair and seal those breaches, it will prevent the Tisha
B’avs of life, which are merely the result of ignoring the Shiva Asar B’Tamuzs
of life.
            May it
be meaningful and uplifting.
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos
            R’ Dani and Chani Staum       

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