“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Tazria-Metzora
30 Nissan 5786/ April 17, 2026
Rosh Chodesh Iyar – Avos perek 2
PERCEPTIVE REALITY
It’s been said that reality is based on perception! Or, said differently, we don’t live in a world of reality; we live in a world of perceptions. What I perceive that I am experiencing and what I perceive that I see and hear becomes my reality, whether I misread or misunderstood it or not.
On November 23, 1951, the Dartmouth football team played Princeton at Princeton’s Palmer Stadium. Aside from the fact that Dartmouth and Princeton was always a great rivalry, it was the last game of a season in which Princeton had gone undefeated.
It was a rough game, marred by fights, penalties, and injuries. Tempers flared during and after the game. Dartmouth had been penalized 70 yards, and Princeton 25. In the end, Princeton won the game, but students at each school accused the opposing team of lack of sportsmanship.
The varied student opinions motivated an illuminating experiment, that demonstrated how polarized perceptions can influence what people are convinced they saw.
Students from each school were shown a video of the game and asked to judge the number of infractions committed by each team during the game.
On average, Dartmouth students counted 4.3 infractions committed by their own team and 4.4 by the opponents, reflecting their general belief that the game had been intense, but the aggressiveness was balanced. The Princeton students, however, claimed Dartmouth committed 9.8 infractions, while their own team had only 4.2, confirming their feeling that Dartmouth had resorted to dirty tactics in an effort to stay even with Princeton.
Everyone had viewed the same game, but each group perceived the number of penalties based on their team allegiance.
Our family has been blessed to spend many summers at Camp Dora Golding. The official Camp Dora Golding (CDG) t-shirt is bright orange and has the camp logo emblazoned on the front. It is quite noticeable from a distance, which is exactly the point. During every camp trip day, all campers and staff wear their bright orange t-shirt to make them more conspicuous. When we go to a baseball game, the section of orange shirts is noticeable from anywhere in the stadium. When we go to a theme park, the orange shirts seem to be everywhere.
A few summers ago, we visited Hershey Park. At one point during the day two random visitors at the park noticed my orange CDG shirt and asked me where our campus was located and what kind of camp it was. Then they asked me how many thousands of campers we brought to Hershey Park that day. They were surprised when I laughed and explained that Camp Dora Golding is a large camp with around 600 campers. But there definitely aren’t thousands of campers. I realized that because they had seen orange shirts in every area of the park, including on lines for every ride, their perception was that there must have been far more “orange shirts” than there actually were.
It reminded me of a similar anecdote that my rebbe, Rabbi Berel Wein zt”l, related. Years ago he and his wife had been part of a tour visiting Norway. The tour comprised of about 20 Israeli teens, Rabbi Wein and his wife, and a WASPY couple. Rabbi Wein noted that he couldn’t help but feel bad for the WASPY couple. They didn’t know what to do with themselves on a bus full of animated Hebrew-speaking Israelis chewing sunflower seeds and emphatically announcing their opinions on everything for all to hear.
At one stop during their tour, they were at a Norwegian fjord, atop a mountain overlooking a breathtaking panorama. The WASPY couple were standing near Rabbi Wein and the man said to him, “You’re Jewish, correct?” When Rabbi Wein nodded, the man asked him, “About how many Jews are there in the world?” As Rabbi Wein contemplated his response the man said, “There must be about a billion. No?” Rabbi Wein noted that he immediately thought the man meant it deridingly. But when he looked up at the man’s face, he saw that the man was dead serious.
Rabbi Wein mused that he realized then that the average non-Jew thinks there are a billion Jews in the world, because we make the “noise” of a billion people. The Jewish people are forever in the headlines and always at the center of world conversation and politics. Rabbi Wein would finish the story by quipping, “He thinks there are as many Jews as there are Christians or Muslims. Go tell em you can’t get a minyan for Minchah.”
Perception truly creates reality.
This concept is also important to bear in mind as parents. Children’s misbehavior creates a far greater negative impression than good behavior creates a positive impression. If a child behaves well, his parents often don’t notice it. But when the child misbehaves, or is aggressive or wild, the parents notice immediately. At times parents can have a perception that their child is a troublemaker or an out-of-control child, when in reality their behavior (or misbehavior) is age appropriate.
The same is definitely true in marriage as well. When spouses misperceive each other’s actions or words it can result in a bitter, rancorous relationship.
This concept is even true regarding our perceptions of ourselves. When we are trying to grow in any area, including when trying to overcome negative habits, we often become extremely frustrated by setbacks and mishaps. We often don’t realize or appreciate our progress and the growth we have because it feels overshadowed by the setback. Of course we have to be aware of our failures. But we must also be cognizant of our growth, which although more subtle, is far more profound.
One of the greatest virtues our sages bequeathed to us is that of perspective. The Gemara trains us to always consider the opposite possibility in understanding a concept or text. The sages have a way of viewing everything with an eternal lens, that considers not only what is, but also the long-term ramifications of every consideration.
Sometimes things we are sure of may not be the way we perceive them. Having a truthful perspective entails a great deal of self-reflection, consideration and being able to listen to the opinion and perspective of others. Otherwise, one may be living in a reality that isn’t very real at all.
Chodesh Tov & Good Chodesh
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum
STRIVINGHIGHER.COM