Parshas Vayechi 5782

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (&
AMUSINGS)”

Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Vayechi –
Shabbos Chazak

13 Teves 5782/December 17, 2021

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לרפואה שלימה נטע יצחק בן רחל

PURE RESTRAINT

            A few
weeks ago, at the end of November, I had the pleasure of attending the therapist
track at the Agudah Convention. On Thursday and Friday of the convention
weekend, there were lectures and presentations specifically geared for
therapists. It was also an opportunity to network and meet colleagues in the
field.

            Aside
for the great insights and connections that I was able to forge, one of the
highlights for me actually had nothing to do with therapy or counseling.

            On
Friday morning after shachris, I went to the dining room for breakfast. As with
all the meals, there was quite a spread for breakfast, with many delicious
choices.

            After
selecting my meal, I placed my breakfast on a table, including a steaming omelet
made to my specification from the omelet station. When I went to get a drink, I
noticed that Rabbi Shloime Mandel, the Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva of Brooklyn, had
just sat down to eat breakfast as well.

            I met
Rabbi Mandel when he came to Camp Dora Golding for davening for a few days
during previous summers, while he had been vacationing in the Poconos. Due to
Covid restrictions, he hadn’t been there the previous two summers. I approached
the Rosh Yeshiva and introduced myself, noting that we missed seeing him in
camp, and hoped we would be graced with his visit again this coming summer. He
smiled and said there was a story behind those visits to camp. He asked me if
my wife was waiting for me. When I replied that she wasn’t at the convention he
shared the story.

            He began
that one summer a few decades back, he had been looking to get away for a few
days. He was looking for a somewhat remote location that had three minyanim
daily. Someone informed him that there was a place called Camp Dora Golding
which had only Russian campers.

            I told
Rabbi Mandel that it must have been the summer of 1995. At the time Camp Dora
Golding only had 70 campers, and Camp Kesharim – a camp for Jewish boys from Russia
– rented out half of the camp.[1]

            I’ll
continue the story in his words.

            “I
called the camp to find out what time ma’ariv was. When I arrived and walked
into the shul assuming I wouldn’t know anyone, I immediately saw a young man
who lived on my block in Brooklyn making a beeline across the room towards me.
He was a counselor in the camp, and he wanted to know if he could bring Alex, a
fifteen year old camper of his, over to meet me to ask me a question. I asked
him what Alex’s story was. My neighbor explained that Alex was the best camper
in the camp. He was deeply motivated and loved davening and learning. In fact,
he knew the entire Pirkei Avos by heart. But Alex didn’t have a b’ris milah. A
few years earlier, when he first began learning and was excited to become more
observant, his parents gave him the choice of either having a b’ris milah or
attending Yeshiva, but not both.[2]

            “Meanwhile,
Ma’ariv was beginning, and Alex happened to be the chazzan. I was very moved by
Alex’s sincere and heartfelt davening. Afterwards, his counselor indeed brought
him over to me and Alex presented his question. He began by asking me if Moshe
was the greatest tzaddik ever? I replied that I definitely am not one to decide
who was the greatest, but there’s no doubt that he is one of the greatest
people who ever lived. Alex then quoted the Mishnah in Pirkei Avos which states
that “One should nullify his own will because of the Will of Hashem”[3]. Then he asked – if Hashem
didn’t want Moshe Rabbeinu to enter Eretz Yisroel, why did Moshe keep davening
– 515 times in all – that Hashem allow him to enter the Land? Shouldn’t the
great Moshe have pushed aside his own deep desire, if Hashem didn’t want it?

            “As I
listened to his question, tears welled up in my eyes. I realized Alex was
really asking about himself. He so badly wanted to attend a Yeshiva, and it was
clear that he constantly davened to have that opportunity. As his prayers had
not yet been answered, he wondered if perhaps it was wrong to continue praying
when it seemed that it wasn’t Hashem’s Will?

            “I replied
that there is a concept that Hashem will sometimes withhold blessing
temporarily because He wants the person to continue davening, so that their
prayer can be granted in a greater fashion. Something ascertained because of
prayer is holier and loftier. It was for that reason that the patriarchs and
matriarchs only merited children after years of tears and prayer.[4]

            “During
the time when he davened 515 times, Moshe Rabbeinu was yet unaware that Hashem
didn’t want him to enter the Land. Moshe thought it was incumbent upon him to
continue praying, just as the patriarchs and matriarchs had done[5].

            “Indeed,
as soon as Hashem instructed him to stop praying, he did so, and never asked
again if he could enter the Land.

            “The
message to Alex was that he should never stop davening, because, unlike Moshe
Rabbeinu, he had never been told to restrain himself from davening. Oftentimes
great things require extra prayers, tears and patience.”

            I
thanked Rabbi Mandel for the beautiful story, but he then added the following
addendum:

            “While
reflecting back on that incident a few years later, I was wondering to myself
why Hashem used such strong words when instructing Moshe to stop davening to
enter the Land, “Do not continue to speak to Me anymore about this matter![6]” Why didn’t He simply tell
Moshe that it wasn’t His will for Him to enter, and that it wouldn’t bode well
for the nation? Why the seemingly harsh commandment?

            “The
Gemara[7] asks why Moshe so yearned to
enter Eretz Yisroel? It surely wasn’t because he wanted to try out the restaurants
or see the tourist attractions. The Gemara explains that Moshe desired to
perform the unique mitzvos endemic to the Land. Despite all he had done and
accomplished throughout his life, he still felt spiritually malnourished, and
wanted to serve Hashem in every way possible.

            “Perhaps,
it was in response to that deep desire that Hashem instructed Moshe to not
daven again about that matter. “Moshe, you love mitzvos and desire to serve
me in ways you didn’t have the chance to do so before. Therefore, I will give
you a “mitzvah” that no one before or after had. It is the mitzvah for you not
to daven for the matter which you desire so much.”

            “In this
way, for the remainder of his life, whenever Moshe wanted to daven to enter the
Land and would restrain himself from doing so, he would be serving Hashem in a
most unique fashion.”

            Rabbi
Mandel continued:

            “About
six years ago I had the opportunity to have a private audience with Rav Chaim
Kanievsky. While there, Rav Chaim noticed my wristwatch and motioned that I
should remove it.[8]
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m extremely punctual and conscientious about
time, and I couldn’t hide my disappointment at Rav Chaim’s instruction. When
Rav Chaim noticed that I wasn’t happy about removing my watch, he said that I
should put a clock on the wall. When he saw that I was still not happy, he
humorously said that I can wear the watch on my foot. When I replied that then
I would then be ‘l’ma’alah min hazman – above time’, Rav Chaim
laughed heartily. But then he said that I could wear a pocket watch.”

            At that
point, Rabbi Mandel opened his jacket and showed me that he was wearing a
pocket-watch. He noted that it was very difficult for him to make the
transition, but whenever he thinks about it, he feels good, knowing that he is
constantly listening to the instruction of a tzaddik, and thereby fulfilling a
unique mitzvah.”

            Rabbi
Mandel’s poignant message was that we serve Hashem not only by fulfilling His
will, but also by restraining ourselves from doing things we want, and that too
is an integral way of fulfilling His will.

            The same
is true regarding all relationships. It’s not only about what we do, but also
about what we don’t do, in honor and deference to our spouse, friend, or
neighbor.

            It’s an
invaluable idea for enhancing our avodas Hashem, shalom bayis and all interpersonal
relationships. It’s well worth a cold omelet.

            Shabbat
Shalom & Good Shabbos,

            R’ Dani and Chani Staum