Striving Higher

Parshas Shemos 5782

 

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (&
AMUSINGS)”

Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Shemos

20 Teves 5782/December 24, 2021

 

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my “Striving Higher” WhatsApp chat with periodic chizuk clips, or
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text me at 845-641-5094.

 

לרפואה שלימה נטע יצחק בן רחל

HOW ARE YOU?

            I once
read that a real friend is someone who asks you how you’re doing and sticks
around to hear the answer.

            On the
flip side, there are certain individuals who, when asked how they are doing,
reply over-enthusiastically for full affect: “F-A-N-T-A-S-T-IC!”
“A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!” “I-N-C-R-E-D-I-B-L-E!”

            Imagine
being fantastic, incredible, and amazing, every single day!

            It’s
been noted that “we hide behind our Baruch Hashems.” In other words, when
people ask us how we are doing we smile and nonchalantly reply “Baruch Hashem”,
essentially skirting the question.

            Of
course, that doesn’t mean we should be detailing all our struggle and issues
with every acquaintance who asks us how it’s going. But when we feel we have to
present ourselves as if everything about us and our lives is perfect, we are
doing a great disservice, to ourselves and to others.

            One of
our greatest needs is for validation. No one likes feeling like he or she is
crazy or out of control. There is a vast difference however, when everyone
feels that he/he has to present his/her life as peachy, cheery and always
perfect. When everyone around us is doing so, we start to wonder what’s wrong
with me? Why am I the only person that doesn’t have it all together, all the
time? It’s at the root of the prevalent feelings of inadequacy that is part of
so many people’s lives.

            Rabbi
Dr. Abraham Twerski noted that addicts who attend twelve-step meetings have the
greatest form of support. At those meetings, no one is recognized for their
profession. A wealthy entrepreneur or CEO of a Fortune 500 can sit next to a
pauper, and a prominent doctor next to an unemployed vagabond. At those
meetings everyone leads by their weakness, and, therefore, everyone is able to
draw support, love and encouragement from each other. The barriers of shame,
emotional darkness and isolation are removed with the collective courage to be
vulnerable.

            Rabbi
Twerski would note that if only we were able to bring such meetings to the
general public, we too could gain so much from each other. But as long as we
continue to hide behind our Baruch Hashems that can never happen.

            A few
weeks ago, hundreds of Jews from all over Eretz Yisroel attended the funeral of
Lior Shai, who passed away at the relatively young age of 50.

            Lior
lost both his parents in a terrorist attack when he was 3 years old. He and his
brother were raised by his aunt. Shortly after he and his wife married, they
became religious, and raised a beautiful family of 10 children. Lior lived his
life according to the teachings of Rav Nachman of Breslov.

            When he
was 50 years old, the tumor that would eventually take his life was discovered.
Until the end, when he was asked how he was doing he would reply “
זה
הרגע המאושר בחיי
– this is the
greatest moment in my life.” He would say that if all we have is this moment,
then we have to see this moment as an opportunity.

            Recently,
his family compiled and circulated a beautiful video in his memory. It begins
with narration from his wife in which she speaks about their life together,
what a positive person Lior was, and how he lived with tremendous bitachon in
Hashem. The rest of the video has clips of people of all backgrounds repeating
Lidor’s mantra:
זה הרגע המאושר בחיי.

            I was
very moved by the beautifully produced video and by its poignant message. Who
doesn’t want to live a life in which he or she constantly feels “this is the
greatest moment of my life”?

            But upon
further reflection I realized that living up to such a beautiful mantra isn’t
achieved by watching a five minute video, no matter how incredible the video
is. To live in such a manner that one always feels the present moment is the
greatest gift no matter what he is going through, entails a great investment of
mental energy, a shift in perspective, and a great deal of faith. Those things
don’t come easy. They are attainable, but only if one prioritizes it and is
constantly reflecting on it. It seems that Lior a”h lived that way, because he
prioritized it and worked towards achieving such a feeling constantly, even
when he was sick.

            It’s
easy to say that one is “fantastic”, “amazing”, and “incredible”, or that “this
is the greatest moment of my life”, but it’s far more challenging to actually
feel that way. There is surely something to be said for one who says “this is
the greatest moment of my life” even if he doesn’t feel that way yet, if he is
working and trying to truly live that way. But otherwise, he is simply deluding
himself.

            Life is
complicated, gray, messy, painful, perplexing, anxiety-provoking, and often
downright confusing. While it’s never good to be a kvetch or a complainer,
there is no virtue in removing from ourselves the greatest source of
encouragement available – that of understanding friends and loved ones.

            It’s
also not all or nothing. A person is entitled to have a bad day or even week,
and that doesn’t negate his/her efforts to be more positive and strengthen his
faith.

            Life is
about the journey. We hope we have many years to continue the arduous climb
before we arrive at the destination. Along the way we can continue to live an
enriched life if we remind ourselves that every day is a gift, even on days
when we don’t feel that way.

            Baruch
Hashem!

 

            Shabbat
Shalom & Good Shabbos,

            R’ Dani and Chani Staum       

  

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