“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”

Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Shoftim  

Rosh Chodesh Elul 5780/August 20, 2020

Avos perek 6

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THE WINNING TEAM

            Not
infrequently, I receive envelopes in the mail with printed words on the front:
“Help us in our time of need!” “Don’t let them shut our doors!” “Yidden! Have
compassion!”

            The
enclosed letters are an emotional appeal that the recipient send money to their
tzedakah organization because they are undergoing a financial crisis. The bold
letters and exclamation points are meant to tug at our heart strings so that we
realize the severity of the situation. The hope is that we will donate more
than we otherwise might have.

            Yoni
Halper, a friend who is a marketing guru and a financial consultant, explained
to me that this approach is mistaken. The bottom line is that no one wants to
be part of a losing team. In addition, people want to feel that their
magnanimity is accomplishing something. If they are giving away their
hard-earned money for charity, they want to feel that they are, literally,
getting the most bang for their buck. When people read that the situation is so
dire, they wonder how effective their personal donation can be. Is it even
worth giving anything when the organization needs so much just to stay afloat?
And even if they weather this crisis, they’ll likely be back in the same
financial crunch in a few months.

            Yoni
noted that the better approach would be to promote the success of the
organization, and how much they have accomplished. They should also demonstrate
how each donation helps them further this incredible cause. The goal is people
give, not because they were guilted into feeling that they have to, but because
they want to. When they recognize the value of the organization and the merit
of being part of it, they will be happy to be part of its great work.

            I was
thinking about this idea this week, as Elul is about to begin. It’s clear that
one of our greatest challenges today is with self-esteem. A culture which overemphasizes
and values wealth, fame, and prestige, leaves most people feeling lowly and
insignificant. Besides, what kind of internal satisfaction can one have when
they are valued for externalities?

            Rabbi
Yaakov Meir Schechter writes that the challenge of feeling melancholy is the
foremost challenge of our times. So many people feel downcast and unworthy –
emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.

            The cry
of the shofar that begins in Elul, seems to only further embed these negative
feelings in people’s consciousness. “It’s time to do teshuva because I’ve
wasted another year, not learning enough, not davening enough, not being a good
enough spouse/parent/friend…”

            It’s no
wonder that people want to hibernate from Elul until after Yom Kippur. It’s as
if we present ourselves to Hashem with an emergency appeal: “We’re desperate!
We know we are a walking disaster and failure, but we still want to have a good
year. So, we’ll try to make sure our spirituality doesn’t go bankrupt.
Therefore, please forgive us.” Yikes! Who wants to be part of a losing team?

            This
whole approach stems from the fact that we don’t value or appreciate ourselves
or our accomplishments. Yes, we can all improve, and we have plenty of room for
growth. Yes, we have much that we need to rectify. But it’s not because we are
in bankruptcy and are begging for underserved clemency. Rather, it’s because we
have so much to offer and we want to make sure we aren’t selling ourselves
short.

            Rabbi Avrohom
Pam zt”l (whose Yahrtzeit was this week on 28 Av) would say that we shouldn’t
refer to the days from Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur as “Yomim Noraim – Days of Awe”.
Rather, we refer to them as, “Yomim Muflaim – days of great opportunity”.

            Elul
begins that process. It is the time of “ani l’dodi v’dodi li – I am to
my beloved and my beloved is to me.” That is the starting point of the teshuva
season – feeling and recognizing that we are beloved!

            This is
the time when we can easily forge a deeper connection with Hashem. We have to
recognize that opportunity and have the proper perspective as the starting
point as we set out upon the path of teshuva.

            Everyone
wants to be part of a winning team. We should realize that just by showing up
and wanting to grow, we are on the winning team.

Chodesh Tov

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

            R’ Dani and Chani Staum