“RABBI’S MUSINGS (&
AMUSINGS)”
AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas
Mishpatim/Shekalim
Mishpatim/Shekalim
24 Shevat 5778/February 9,
2018
2018
Mevorchim Chodesh Adar
Someone once noted that it’s not easy being the child of a
therapist. Everything that happens in the child’s life is psychoanalyzed – why
did you do that? How did that make you feel? For my children that’s compounded
by the fact that I’m also a rabbi, so the psychoanalysis is followed by a
derasha. The only exception is that my lectures to my children are followed by
them asking me for money, and not vice versa.
therapist. Everything that happens in the child’s life is psychoanalyzed – why
did you do that? How did that make you feel? For my children that’s compounded
by the fact that I’m also a rabbi, so the psychoanalysis is followed by a
derasha. The only exception is that my lectures to my children are followed by
them asking me for money, and not vice versa.
Last Shabbos, when we read Parshas Beshalach, on Friday
evening, one of our children, who shall remain nameless for the sake of future
shidduchim, came to the Shabbos table reading a book. The rule in our home is that
no books may be brought to the Shabbos table, so that, at least once a week, we
can try to promote actual face to face conversation (which includes arguing
over seats and everything else that comes up). When I asked the child to please
remove the book, he proceeded to place it under his chair.
evening, one of our children, who shall remain nameless for the sake of future
shidduchim, came to the Shabbos table reading a book. The rule in our home is that
no books may be brought to the Shabbos table, so that, at least once a week, we
can try to promote actual face to face conversation (which includes arguing
over seats and everything else that comes up). When I asked the child to please
remove the book, he proceeded to place it under his chair.
We proceeded singing Shalom Aleichem, until two minutes later
when I noticed him peering down at the open book, now somewhat inconspicuously
placed on his chair. When I reminded him that the book is not supposed to be at
the table, he looked up and said “I know, I know! I’m putting it away and
listening right now!”
when I noticed him peering down at the open book, now somewhat inconspicuously
placed on his chair. When I reminded him that the book is not supposed to be at
the table, he looked up and said “I know, I know! I’m putting it away and
listening right now!”
Not surprisingly, within a short time he was again reading
the book, which was now opened under his chair. When I looked at him he again
reassured me that he was listening and putting it away
the book, which was now opened under his chair. When I looked at him he again
reassured me that he was listening and putting it away
I replied that I believed he really did want to listen to my
directions as he claimed. The reason he was having such a hard time doing so
was because he didn’t know an important lesson to be gleaned from the parsha.
directions as he claimed. The reason he was having such a hard time doing so
was because he didn’t know an important lesson to be gleaned from the parsha.
The opening pasuk states that when Klal Yisroel left
Mitzrayim, Hashem did not lead them through the land of the Pelishtim, despite
the fact that it was closer, “for Hashem said, lest the nation become
frightened when they see war, and they will return to Egypt.” Rashi explains
that the concern was that upon confronting adversity, the nation would
immediately seek to return to what was familiar, i.e. Egypt.
Mitzrayim, Hashem did not lead them through the land of the Pelishtim, despite
the fact that it was closer, “for Hashem said, lest the nation become
frightened when they see war, and they will return to Egypt.” Rashi explains
that the concern was that upon confronting adversity, the nation would
immediately seek to return to what was familiar, i.e. Egypt.
Rashi’s explanation contains an integral strategy necessary
for changing habits. One of the reasons it’s so difficult to effect real
change, is because we naturally gravitate towards what is familiar and
comfortable. If a person wants to genuinely change habits, he needs to make his
old habits inconvenient, and his new habits more convenient.
for changing habits. One of the reasons it’s so difficult to effect real
change, is because we naturally gravitate towards what is familiar and
comfortable. If a person wants to genuinely change habits, he needs to make his
old habits inconvenient, and his new habits more convenient.
For example, for one who wants to lose weight and is
beginning a new diet, before he begins he should have the new foods that he is
permitted on his new diet available and in front of his cabinet. Otherwise, as
soon as the first rumblings of hunger set in, he’s going to go right back to
the old foods he was used to.
beginning a new diet, before he begins he should have the new foods that he is
permitted on his new diet available and in front of his cabinet. Otherwise, as
soon as the first rumblings of hunger set in, he’s going to go right back to
the old foods he was used to.
Hashem led the young nation on a circuitous route, so that
they wouldn’t be able to run back to Egypt as soon as they were confronted by
challenge.
they wouldn’t be able to run back to Egypt as soon as they were confronted by
challenge.
I told my son that he really did want to listen to my instruction
not to read at the table. But by leaving the book in close proximity, as soon
as curiosity set in he causally looked back at the book. The proper response
would be to remove the book from the room, to remove the temptation.
not to read at the table. But by leaving the book in close proximity, as soon
as curiosity set in he causally looked back at the book. The proper response
would be to remove the book from the room, to remove the temptation.
I’m not sure if my point was well taken, or if it was just to
make sure I was finished my lecture, but my son removed the book from the room.
make sure I was finished my lecture, but my son removed the book from the room.
The following day in shiur in Yeshiva, a boy came into class
eating. I told him to put it away, so we could begin learning. When he placed
it in his bag next to him open, I told him I had a thought on the previous
day’s parsha to share with him.
eating. I told him to put it away, so we could begin learning. When he placed
it in his bag next to him open, I told him I had a thought on the previous
day’s parsha to share with him.
That’s a lot of mileage from a truly great insight into human
psychology, that Rashi indirectly mentions in passing.
psychology, that Rashi indirectly mentions in passing.
Shabbat
Shalom & Good Shabbos,
Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum