“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Shuva – Parshas Ha’azinu
5781
7 Tshrei 5781/September 24, 2020
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EXPANDING SOUL
I remove
my kittel from the closet every six months. Before Pesach I take it out to wear
at the Sedarim and to daven Tal on the first day of Pesach. Then, at the end of
Elul, I take it out to wear on Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Hoshanah Rabbah and
when davening Geshem on Shemini Atzeres Mussaf.
The last
few years when I’ve removed it from the closet, I’ve noticed that, strangely
enough, my kittel seems to shrink a little bit more each year.
When I
first purchased the kittel, shortly before my marriage, it was loose and
flowing. But these days there’s not much breathing room, and the buttons look
like they are hanging on for dear life. I think the air in my closet must have
some noxious fumes in it that’s causing the kittel to shrink. They sure don’t
make em like they used to.
The
Jewish year is often thought of as a circle. Along our travels around the
circle we arrive at certain annual highlights, which are yomim tovim or fast
days.
The
truth is that the year would more accurately be portrayed as a spiral. While
it’s true that we return to the same points each year, our goal is to observe
and celebrate each special day on a higher level and with deeper appreciation
and understanding than the year prior. It’s not just “Rosh Hashanah and Yom
Kippur again”, but a newer and deeper period of teshuva than what I experienced
last year.
Our goal
is to never stagnate in our spiritual growth.
Rav
Tzadok Hakohain writes that this idea also applies to our Avodas Hashem. As a
person constantly grows spiritually, he looks back at his previous improvements
and feels that they were inadequate.
Rav
Saadia Gaon, leader of Babylonian Jewry in the tenth century, was once seen
crying, and saying that he needed to do teshuvah immediately. All those near
him wondered what the great tzaddik could possibly have done wrong?
Rav
Saadia Gaon explained by relating that he had once visited a Jewish community
distant from his home. Seeking to conceal his identity, he sat in the back of
the shul and made sure not to call attention to himself. He spent a few days at
the home of a very hospitable man who treated him with the same cordiality that
he would any other guest. But after a few days, it was revealed who the
esteemed guest was. When the inn owner realized that he had Rav Saadiah Gaon
staying in his inn for the past week he was shocked. He approached the Rav
crying and begging for forgiveness. Rav Saadiah assured him that he had treated
him very well. The man replied that if he would have known who Rav Saadiah was
he surely would have treated him with far greater honor and reverence.
Rav
Saadia explained that that experience made him realize that he too must do
teshuva for his previous teshuva. Now he has a greater understanding of the
greatness of Hashem than he had previously, and the therefore realized that the
teshuva he did previously was woefully inadequate.
When I
was a chosson, a rebbe of mine shared with me that when he was first married,
he felt that he finally understood the meaning of love. Then, after five years
of marriage and the birth of a couple of children, he looked back and laughed
at himself. What he thought was love then was nothing compared to the bond and
love he currently felt for his wife. After ten years, enduring the challenges
of growing children and the stresses of daily living, he again reflected and
concluded that he only now understood love. The same happened after twenty
years. My rebbe concluded that he looks forward to continuing to have a deeper understanding
of what love truly means as the years continue.
It was
an endearing, beautiful and meaningful lesson for me. A person must seek to
grow in every area throughout his life. When he allows himself and his
relationships to stagnate, that is when troubles begin.
The
avodah of teshuva and the yearning for consistent aliyah ensures that our life
always has meaning, direction, and purpose.
It would
be nice if my kittel would stop shrinking, but, conversely, I hope my neshama
only continues to grow and expand throughout my life.
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos
G’mar Chasima Tova,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum