It’s that time of year again. It actually happens twice –
once in the spring and once in the summer. It’s the periods of national
mourning when Jewish barbers are on vacation and many Jewish men’s beards look
scruffy and somewhat unkempt.
once in the spring and once in the summer. It’s the periods of national
mourning when Jewish barbers are on vacation and many Jewish men’s beards look
scruffy and somewhat unkempt.
Between Pesach and Shavuos, the days of Sefiras Ha’omer, we
mourn the loss of the twenty-four thousand students of Rabbi Akiva. Between the
fasts of the seventeenth of Tamuz and Tisha B’av, we observe the Three Weeks of
mourning for the destruction of the Bais Hamikdash.
For those of us who have the pleasure of working
with young adolescents, these two time periods have an added dimension, i.e.
that of awkward adolescent facial hair growth.
mourn the loss of the twenty-four thousand students of Rabbi Akiva. Between the
fasts of the seventeenth of Tamuz and Tisha B’av, we observe the Three Weeks of
mourning for the destruction of the Bais Hamikdash.
For those of us who have the pleasure of working
with young adolescents, these two time periods have an added dimension, i.e.
that of awkward adolescent facial hair growth.
At their stage, they take pride in their beards, nascent as
they might be. The different gradations of facial hair is itself a
manifestation of the uniqueness of each individual. Some boys have thick
sideburns with nothing beyond, others have hanging mustaches, while others have
a patch under their mouths with virtually nothing on the sides of their face.
Then there’s the stubble and peach-fuzz which are constantly played with, in an
effort to show others that there is indeed facial here there, even though it’s
not discernible. Many of these young men insist that they need shavers, in the
hope that if they start shaving, their beards will grow in faster (that’s a
myth). Some are lucky enough to have a perennial five-o’clock shadow look that
seems to stagnate at a perfect size.
they might be. The different gradations of facial hair is itself a
manifestation of the uniqueness of each individual. Some boys have thick
sideburns with nothing beyond, others have hanging mustaches, while others have
a patch under their mouths with virtually nothing on the sides of their face.
Then there’s the stubble and peach-fuzz which are constantly played with, in an
effort to show others that there is indeed facial here there, even though it’s
not discernible. Many of these young men insist that they need shavers, in the
hope that if they start shaving, their beards will grow in faster (that’s a
myth). Some are lucky enough to have a perennial five-o’clock shadow look that
seems to stagnate at a perfect size.
The more physically mature, deemed by their peers as being
‘like bears’, walk the halls with confidence, sporting facial hair that looks
like it’s going to take over their face. There’s always a few of those guys.
‘like bears’, walk the halls with confidence, sporting facial hair that looks
like it’s going to take over their face. There’s always a few of those guys.
At times, a boy may have a full beard and a decent mustache,
but the two don’t yet connect. (I must admit that I had such a “floating
mustache” for years…)
but the two don’t yet connect. (I must admit that I had such a “floating
mustache” for years…)
A colleague often jokingly suggests to certain students that
they apply some fertilizer in certain areas of their beard to make it look more
balanced.
they apply some fertilizer in certain areas of their beard to make it look more
balanced.
In camp last summer we had a contest to decide who had the
best “Three Week’s beard.” Papers were disseminated with pictures of various
contestants and campers had the opportunity to vote.
best “Three Week’s beard.” Papers were disseminated with pictures of various
contestants and campers had the opportunity to vote.
It is not coincidental that both national periods of mourning
are connected with deficiencies in interpersonal relationships. The students of
Rabbi Akiva lacked a modicum of respect for each other, and the destruction of
the Bais Hamikdash was the result of baseless hatred.
are connected with deficiencies in interpersonal relationships. The students of
Rabbi Akiva lacked a modicum of respect for each other, and the destruction of
the Bais Hamikdash was the result of baseless hatred.
The Medrash Tanchuma (Pinchos 10) states, “just like people’s
faces aren’t alike, so too their opinions aren’t alike.” Based on this Medrash,
the Kotzker rebbe quipped that just like one doesn’t hate someone else because
they have a different face, so too one should not hate someone else because he
has different opinions and viewpoints.
faces aren’t alike, so too their opinions aren’t alike.” Based on this Medrash,
the Kotzker rebbe quipped that just like one doesn’t hate someone else because
they have a different face, so too one should not hate someone else because he
has different opinions and viewpoints.
When we see all the various variations of facial hair growth,
it is a subtle reminder that our focus during these days is to respect every
person for who he is. It’s also a reminder that every person progresses in his
own way and on his own level. Some are quicker and some are slower.
Personally, I’m happy to be past that awkward
stage. Now the variations in my and my peer’s beards has to do with how many
white patches we have.
it is a subtle reminder that our focus during these days is to respect every
person for who he is. It’s also a reminder that every person progresses in his
own way and on his own level. Some are quicker and some are slower.
Personally, I’m happy to be past that awkward
stage. Now the variations in my and my peer’s beards has to do with how many
white patches we have.
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum