“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Vayishlach 5786
15 Kislev 5786/December 4, 2025
MATTER OF SPEECH
If you’ve ever spoken to an Israeli, you’ve undoubtedly noticed that he/she “said” ehhhh a few times. I don’t have empirical statistics, but experience dictates that, on average, an Israeli says ehhhh once or twice per sentence.
It’s similar to an American saying ummm or uhhhh, or French people saying oooooo. But the Israeli ehhhh seems more pronounced and emphatic.
I read that the first ehhhh dates back to a book called Choref (winter) by author Yosef Chaim Brenner. Somewhere in the middle of the story one of the characters is quoted as saying ehhhh in his reply.
I don’t know if that’s accurate. But assuming it is, that initial ehhhh has become one of the most profound trendsetters in Israeli history.
I discovered that there is a logical reason for the ehhhh. One of the unwritten rules of conversation is that one person speaks his piece and expresses his viewpoint and when he’s done the other person replies and says his piece. No one can speak continuously without pausing for a moment periodically to collect his thoughts or to think about how to express his next thought. Israelis are very passionate when expressing their opinions and are wary of forfeiting their turn to share their thoughts. Therefore, when they need to pause, they fill the moment with an elongated ehhhh as if to declare, “I’m not done! Don’t begin your reply yet.” The way an Israeli concedes his right to continue speaking is when he is silent for a few seconds. That momentary lull is the signal to his fellow conversant that he can begin speaking.
It’s been said that it takes two years to learn to speak and sixty years to learn to keep quiet. While speaking is a relatively quick skill to acquire, mastering the art of knowing when to stay silent takes a lifetime of experience. But beyond knowing when to stay quiet, it is important to know how to listen.
In his acknowledged TED talk, Julian Treasure noted that people are much keener on being heard than they are about listening to others. He notes that the TED talk he gave about speaking has received five times as many views as the TED talk he gave about listening. But that’s a failing on our part.
We spend years learning how to read, write, and speak. But we don’t spend much time learning how to listen.
In his bestselling book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey emphasizes the importance of active listening.
Our default tendency is to try to get our point across. In doing so, we often don’t fully grasp the point another person is making.
Learning to listen entails that one overcomes one’s natural desire to respond automatically.
Covey expresses it this way: “If I were to summarize in one sentence the single most important principle I have learned in the field of interpersonal relations, it would be this: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
While the trademark Israeli ehhhh grants the speaker a moment to think about how to express his next point, it doesn’t necessarily enable him to have the patience and insight to listen to someone else’s.
The central pasuk in Judaism is Shema Yisroel, an injunction for us to hear deeply the timeless message of the absolute unity of Hashem.
When the Gemara introduces an attempted proof, it often begins, “ta sh’ma” come and listen. That’s a fascinating expression. Normally one simply hears by listening. When the Gemara says “come and listen”, it is call for us to actively hear the point being made. It wants us to allow for the possibility of a new perspective/proof/idea to percolate in our minds.
A friend noted (somewhat jokingly) that when ehhhh is spelled out in Hebrew – aleph hei hei hei hei, the gematriah is 26, equaling the 4-letter name of Hashem. He suggested that perhaps when Israelis say ehhhh they are trying to bring Hashem into every conversation.
He added that the way some Israelis stretch their “ehhhhh” it would have to be spelled with are at least five heis, thereby spelling out the word lo (with an aleph) which means no. This is perhaps a clear message to the other person that if he thought the speaker had concluded his turn to express his viewpoint- NO! – think again.
If we want to build connections and foster relationships, more than working on ensuring our viewpoint is heard, we should focus on becoming better listeners. It’s the difference between whether our conversations convey a hard no to anyone interrupting us from sharing our viewpoint or whether our conversations become more divine by seeking to truly hear the perspective of another.
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum
STRIVINGHIGHER.COM