“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Achrei Mos – Kedoshim
7 Iyar 5786/ April 24, 2026
Avos perek 3
CHERRIES & STRAWBERRIES
In 1931, Ray Henderson produced a popular song that included the words, “Life is just a bowl of cherries. So live and laugh at it all.” The words were meant to suggest a carefree, wonderful life.
In 1978, however, humorist Erma Bombeck published a book entitled, “If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?” Since then, the famous idiom that life is not a bowl of cherries has come to symbolize that, more often than not, life isn’t smooth sailing, but has a lot of challenges and frustrations.
In 2016, Israeli singing sensation, Hanan Ben-Ari Life produced a song called Hachaim Shelanu Tutim – Our lives are strawberries. Strawberries can be tart or sweet, and the message of the song is that life presents both difficult (sour) and joyful (sweet) moments. The song is a reminder that we can make a conscious choice to focus on joy and positivity, even amidst challenges. In essence, “our lives are strawberries” means acknowledging the complexities of life while choosing to focus on the sweet moments.
I’m not sure if Israelis are more analogous to strawberries than Americans are to cherries. But I was considering the different life messages that can be gleaned by contrasting life to strawberries versus comparing life to a bowl of cherries. Avrohom Isaac (A.I.) suggested the following:
Strawberries are delicate and bruise easily, symbolizing vulnerability but not weakness. They grow on vines and in clusters, symbolizing the importance of a support system. Strawberries can be eaten as snacks or made into jams or toppings, representing the value of being open-minded, flexible, and adaptable. Shaped like a heart, the strawberry is considered a symbol of forgiveness, healing, and emotional intelligence.
Cherries have a thick pit inside, symbolizing the need to contend with hard, unexpected, bitter moments. They are high in antioxidants, reflecting the importance of developing inner strength to withstand life’s challenges. Cherries also have a unique color and shape and stand out more than other berries. Known for their intense, rich flavor, cherries represent living passionately in the moment.
Ultimately, the strawberry teaches us to be gentle, connected, and sweet, while the cherry teaches us to be strong, unique, and resilient. With that in mind, it does seem apropos that Israelis eat more strawberries while Americans consume more cherries. But I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions.
Author Dr. Zelana Montminy makes the following observation: Kids today aren’t sinking because they can’t handle life. They’re sinking because life no longer asks them to swim.
She notes that we have stripped away every bit of friction that once made childhood feel real.
“We did so for the right reasons – to keep them safe, to make things fair, and to make sure they never feel the aches we experienced. But in so doing, we unwittingly stripped them of the ability to learn patience and to contend with frustrations and failures.
“The problem is that friction builds character. When we have to wait for something we learn patience, and boredom fosters imagination.
“The brain doesn’t grow in safety; it grows in stretch. Neuroscience shows that when kids face small, manageable stress – what researchers call “tolerable stress” – their brains release just enough cortisol to activate learning and adaptation. That’s how the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that governs focus, regulation, and resilience, gets stronger.
“Take away all that friction, and we’re not protecting the brain, we’re undertraining it.
“Our kids aren’t starving for comfort. They’re starving for friction. Not danger. Not chaos. Just the normal, developmentally necessary resistance that builds emotional muscle, the small frictions that remind them they’re capable…
“Those tiny struggles are the nervous system’s version of push-ups. They build regulation. They train patience. They teach the body that stress doesn’t equal threat, that tension can be safe.
“When we take all of that away, they don’t just lose focus. They lose trust in themselves, in their capacity, in the process of trying, failing, and finding their way through…
“Love that always rescues eventually erodes resilience. And love that holds steady, that lets them wobble, that waits while they find their footing, builds something much deeper.
“It teaches: You can do hard things. And I’ll be right here while you do.”
Each morning in Pesukei d’Zimrah we state (Tehillim 147): “He (Hashem) heals the broken-hearted and bandages their sadness.”
Rabbi Simcha Bunim of Peshischa noted that Hashem doesn’t completely remove broken hearts, but rather that He heals them. A broken heart breeds feelings of humility and contrition. In fact, the pasuk (Tehillim 51:19) states: “A broken spirit is a sacrifice to Hashem.” In addition, it’s been said that the broken places within one’s heart is where the divine light enters. The Kotzker Rebbe, Rabbi Simcha Bunim’s disciple, famously quipped that there is nothing as complete as a broken heart.
Although, as noted, there is benefit in having a broken heart, there is a great danger that it can lead to sadness. Sadness and depression are not positive traits and can lead a person down a rabbit hole of inaction, self-pity and further negative behaviors. Therefore, Hashem does not necessarily heal a broken heart, but He does bandage the sadness, to ensure that a person not become despondent because of his suffering. The goal is to have the humility of a broken-heart, albeit without the debilitating consequences of sadness.
Life is not meant to be smooth and easy. Growth comes from friction and discomfort. The gemara (Chagigah 9b) says, “Poverty is fitting for Jews.” Similarly, it says (Nedarim 81a), “Be careful with the sons of the poor because from them will come Torah.” Judaism doesn’t advocate poverty as a lifestyle. However, it does advocate not living overly pampered or too comfortably.
As it is often said – The comfort zone is a great place. But nothing grows there. We learn frustration tolerance when we encounter resistance and have the support and confidence to overcome it. Life is not a bowl of cherries, or strawberries. Nor are things always peachy. But helping our children learn how to persevere and overcome challenges is to prepare them for success, even when life seems to be completely bananas.
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum
STRIVINGHIGHER.COM