“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Shelach
23 Sivan 5785/June 20, 2025
Avos perek 3
Mevorchim Chodesh Tamuz
ALONE NOT LONELY
Thankfully now, a few years after the Covid Pandemic, most of the rigid and austere limitations are behind us. During that harrowing time, new concepts and mandates crept into our daily vernacular, such as social distancing, ever-dreaded masks, quarantine, essential workers, and sanitizing, to name a few.
Many people lost friends and relatives, and then were unable to personally attend the funerals, or be menachem avel.
One of the other extremely challenging components of the pandemic was the inability to meet in person with loved ones, especially older relatives. Although Zoom became a lifeline for us, it was then that we recognized the true value of a hug or even just a handshake.
On Erev Pesach that year I drove with my family across town to wish my parents a good Yom Tov. It was painful to wave to them from the car and hold up a sign saying that we love them, but unable to come closer.
Still at least my parents had each other. There were many who were completely alone for weeks during the pandemic.
One of my former congregants is a widow, who obviously couldn’t be with her children or grandchildren during the pandemic. I called her on Erev Pesach to wish her a good Yom Tov and to express how sorry I was that she was alone for the sedarim. Her reply surprised me. She told me there was no reason for me to feel sorry for her because she was genuinely excited for the Seder. In her words, “It will be just me and Hashem and I’m looking forward to that.” When I spoke to her on Chol Hamoed she affirmed that the Sedarim had been beautiful and memorable.
Sometime later she again told me that those weren’t empty words. She really felt Hashem was with her during those two sedarim and that they were two of the greatest sedarim she had in her life.
Her words concretized to me the important difference between being alone and feeling lonely.
Though alone and lonely are often conflated, they are vastly distinct experiences with very different emotional implications. Being alone is a physical state, while loneliness is a psychological condition wherein one feels disconnected and yearns for social connection.
Not only is being alone not necessarily a negative thing, but, in the writings of chassidus and mussar it is considered a value, and something to aspire for. The concept of hisbodedus – intestinal solitude grants one the opportunity for self-reflection and evaluation. Artists, authors, and thinkers often seek solitude in order to foster creativity and innovation.
In modern psychology there is a great deal of emphasis on mindfulness and the benefits it has on one’s mental health. We live in a fast-paced, pressured and demanding world. Carving out a few minutes to “be alone with oneself” is extremely important and helpful for one to evaluate his own goals, accomplishments and aspirations.
On the other hand, there is hardly a more painful feeling in the world than loneliness. The famous adage that misery loves company is connected to this idea.
The sad reality is that a person can be surrounded by people, he can even laugh and joke around with them and seem perfectly integrated and yet feels extremely lonely. No one sees or knows the anguish he feels, and that’s the worst part of it. He plays the part as if everything is perfect, but his heart is broken.
As a high school rebbe, I often comment to my students that this is a common feeling among adolescents. They often feel their struggles and inclinations are unique to them. Those feelings of loneliness exacerbates their struggles and makes them feel even lonelier. That’s why it’s particularly important for teenagers to have mentors whom they can confide in and seek guidance from. Merely knowing that they aren’t alone in their struggles is itself encouraging for anyone, especially teens.
There is hardly any worse feeling than loneliness.
The evil Bila’am unwittingly declared, “Behold they are a nation that stands alone, and among the nations they are not considered.”
The Jewish people stand alone but we are never lonely. We stand alone in the sense that we know we have a higher mission and sublime responsibility. But we are not lonely because we have each other and, most importantly, because we know we are Hashem’s people and have a sacred destiny and mission.
Currently, it is a challenging time, and no one can know what the future will bring. Our collective heart breaks for those who have been injured, displaced or killed. We are still awaiting the return of our hostages from Gaza. We pray for the welfare of our holy soldiers who have been placing their lives on the line since October 7th. So many reservists have now been called up for the fourth time.
At the same time, the miracles we have experienced are undeniable. Every day as we hold our breath in apprehension of what’s to come, we also bow humbly in gratitude to G-d for the supernatural events we are experiencing. We likely don’t even know the half of it.
Just a few hours ago, at 7:07 AM, an Iranian ballistic missile struck Soroka Hospital in Be’er Sheva. The missile hit directly—yet miraculously, no lives were lost.
The missile struck an older surgical wing that had been completely evacuated YESTERDAY! Not a single person was inside.
Even more incredibly, despite widespread damage and shattered windows across other hospital buildings, all patients were swiftly moved to safety. Not one person was harmed.
We are grateful for our allies, but it is clear that ultimately the Jewish people stand alone, albeit never lonely!
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos, R’ Dani and Chani Staum