PARSHAS PEKUDEI 5779
STAM
TORAH
TORAH
PARSHAS
PEKUDEI 5779
PEKUDEI 5779
“HERO
MENTALITY”[1]
MENTALITY”[1]
NYT –
The Real Victims of Victimhood
The Real Victims of Victimhood
Dec.
26, 2015
26, 2015
…“Victimhood culture”
has now been identified as a widening phenomenon by mainstream
sociologists…
has now been identified as a widening phenomenon by mainstream
sociologists…
So who cares if we
are becoming a culture of victimhood? We all should. To begin with, victimhood
makes it more and more difficult for us to resolve political and social
conflicts. The culture feeds a mentality that crowds out a necessary give and
take — the very concept of good-faith disagreement — turning every policy
difference into a pitched battle between good (us) and evil (them).
are becoming a culture of victimhood? We all should. To begin with, victimhood
makes it more and more difficult for us to resolve political and social
conflicts. The culture feeds a mentality that crowds out a necessary give and
take — the very concept of good-faith disagreement — turning every policy
difference into a pitched battle between good (us) and evil (them).
Consider a 2014 study in the Proceedings of the National Academy
of Sciences, which examined why opposing groups, including Democrats and Republicans,
found compromise so difficult. The researchers concluded that there was a
widespread political “motive attribution asymmetry,” in which both sides
attributed their own group’s aggressive behavior to love, but the opposite
side’s to hatred. Today, millions of Americans believe that their side is
basically benevolent while the other side is evil and out to get them.
of Sciences, which examined why opposing groups, including Democrats and Republicans,
found compromise so difficult. The researchers concluded that there was a
widespread political “motive attribution asymmetry,” in which both sides
attributed their own group’s aggressive behavior to love, but the opposite
side’s to hatred. Today, millions of Americans believe that their side is
basically benevolent while the other side is evil and out to get them.
Second, victimhood
culture makes for worse citizens — people who are less helpful, more entitled,
and more selfish. In 2010, four social psychologists from Stanford University
published an article titled “Victim Entitlement to Behave
Selfishly” in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The researchers
randomly assigned 104 human subjects to two groups.
culture makes for worse citizens — people who are less helpful, more entitled,
and more selfish. In 2010, four social psychologists from Stanford University
published an article titled “Victim Entitlement to Behave
Selfishly” in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The researchers
randomly assigned 104 human subjects to two groups.
Members of one group
were prompted to write a short essay about a time when they felt bored; the
other to write about “a time when your life seemed unfair. Perhaps you felt
wronged or slighted by someone.” After writing the essay, the participants were
interviewed and asked if they wanted to help the scholars in a simple, easy
task.
were prompted to write a short essay about a time when they felt bored; the
other to write about “a time when your life seemed unfair. Perhaps you felt
wronged or slighted by someone.” After writing the essay, the participants were
interviewed and asked if they wanted to help the scholars in a simple, easy
task.
The results were stark. Those who wrote
the essays about being wronged were 26 percent less likely to help the
researchers, and were rated by the researchers as feeling 13 percent more
entitled.
the essays about being wronged were 26 percent less likely to help the
researchers, and were rated by the researchers as feeling 13 percent more
entitled.
In a separate
experiment, the researchers found that members of the unfairness group were 11
percent more likely to express selfish attitudes. In a comical and telling
aside, the researchers noted that the victims were more likely than the
nonvictims to leave trash behind on the desks and to steal the experimenters’
pens.
experiment, the researchers found that members of the unfairness group were 11
percent more likely to express selfish attitudes. In a comical and telling
aside, the researchers noted that the victims were more likely than the
nonvictims to leave trash behind on the desks and to steal the experimenters’
pens.
Does this mean that
we should reject all claims that people are victims? Of course not. Some people
are indeed victims in America — of crime, discrimination or deprivation. They
deserve our empathy and require justice.
we should reject all claims that people are victims? Of course not. Some people
are indeed victims in America — of crime, discrimination or deprivation. They
deserve our empathy and require justice.
The problem is that
the line is fuzzy between fighting for victimized people and promoting a
victimhood culture. Where does the former stop and the latter start?…
the line is fuzzy between fighting for victimized people and promoting a
victimhood culture. Where does the former stop and the latter start?…
“When the month of
Adar enters, we increase joy.”[2]
Adar enters, we increase joy.”[2]
The joy of Adar is
rooted in the fact that at the time of the malicious and nefarious decree of
Haman, the nation did not succumb to melancholy or terror. They did not lose
their composure and collapse. They rallied behind Mordechai and Esther and rose
to the occasion to create the incredible outcome which we celebrate on Purim.
rooted in the fact that at the time of the malicious and nefarious decree of
Haman, the nation did not succumb to melancholy or terror. They did not lose
their composure and collapse. They rallied behind Mordechai and Esther and rose
to the occasion to create the incredible outcome which we celebrate on Purim.
One of the greatest
impediments to joy is having a victim mentality and feeling no control over his
life.
impediments to joy is having a victim mentality and feeling no control over his
life.
The gemara[3]
relates the story of Elazar ben Durdaya, a man who was swept away by
temptation and became addicted to immoral pleasures. This was clearly
demonstrated when he undertook a difficult journey and was willing to pay a
high fee to be with a specific woman of ill repute.
relates the story of Elazar ben Durdaya, a man who was swept away by
temptation and became addicted to immoral pleasures. This was clearly
demonstrated when he undertook a difficult journey and was willing to pay a
high fee to be with a specific woman of ill repute.
At one point during
their ‘meeting’, the woman blurted out that Elazar would never be able to
repent for his sinful indulgent ways[4].
Elazar ben Durdaya was so shaken by her words that he left her and sought to
repent. The gemara recounts in detail his ‘teshuva process’ which
entailed calling out to various natural forces to come to his aid.
their ‘meeting’, the woman blurted out that Elazar would never be able to
repent for his sinful indulgent ways[4].
Elazar ben Durdaya was so shaken by her words that he left her and sought to
repent. The gemara recounts in detail his ‘teshuva process’ which
entailed calling out to various natural forces to come to his aid.
The commentaries explain
that when Elazar ben Durdaya appealed to the forces of nature, it was actually
his way of attempting to shift the blame.
that when Elazar ben Durdaya appealed to the forces of nature, it was actually
his way of attempting to shift the blame.
The Hebrew word for
mountain, harim, is similar to the word horim, parents.
Elazar ben Durdaya sought to blame his parents for his sinful lifestyle. He
reasoned that it was obviously a deficiency in the way they raised him that
caused him to seek pleasure in sinful manners.
mountain, harim, is similar to the word horim, parents.
Elazar ben Durdaya sought to blame his parents for his sinful lifestyle. He
reasoned that it was obviously a deficiency in the way they raised him that
caused him to seek pleasure in sinful manners.
When he realized that
blaming his parents wouldn’t help him, he turned towards the heaven and earth.
The heaven is symbolic of the generation’s spiritual leaders. Elazar ben
Durdaya pointed to his teachers as the source of his problems. If only they had understood me better… If
only they were better educators… If only they knew how to relate to me better…
blaming his parents wouldn’t help him, he turned towards the heaven and earth.
The heaven is symbolic of the generation’s spiritual leaders. Elazar ben
Durdaya pointed to his teachers as the source of his problems. If only they had understood me better… If
only they were better educators… If only they knew how to relate to me better…
The earth represented his environment,
which included his friends and social milieu. He sought to blame their negative
influence for who he became.
which included his friends and social milieu. He sought to blame their negative
influence for who he became.
Then he turned towards the
sun and the moon, representing the glamour of society. There were too many
immoral attractions luring me. What can be expected of a person living in a
world which venerates money and pleasure?
sun and the moon, representing the glamour of society. There were too many
immoral attractions luring me. What can be expected of a person living in a
world which venerates money and pleasure?
Lastly, he turned towards
the stars and the constellations. He declared that he was not able to control
his lustful tendencies because he was born under the wrong star. He was
destined to be who he became and there was nothing he could have done to change
it.
the stars and the constellations. He declared that he was not able to control
his lustful tendencies because he was born under the wrong star. He was
destined to be who he became and there was nothing he could have done to change
it.
When Elazar realized that
none of his excuses were valid justifications, he finally came to the correct
conclusion that his destiny and choices were his alone. At that point he broke
down and wept declaring, “the matter is only dependent upon me”. He continued
to cry until his soul left him.
none of his excuses were valid justifications, he finally came to the correct
conclusion that his destiny and choices were his alone. At that point he broke
down and wept declaring, “the matter is only dependent upon me”. He continued
to cry until his soul left him.
Rabbi Elazar ben Durdaya[5]
merited achieving complete repentance in his last moments on earth, when he
took responsibility for himself, and stopped blaming everything and everyone
else for his struggles and troubles.
merited achieving complete repentance in his last moments on earth, when he
took responsibility for himself, and stopped blaming everything and everyone
else for his struggles and troubles.
During a
Commencement address, delivered at Harvard in June 2008, noted author J.K.
Rowling[6]
discussed the challenges she faced to become a writer, despite her parents
wishes that she pursues a different career path.
Commencement address, delivered at Harvard in June 2008, noted author J.K.
Rowling[6]
discussed the challenges she faced to become a writer, despite her parents
wishes that she pursues a different career path.
Rowling quipped, “I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do
not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on
blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you
are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I
cannot criticize my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty.
They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree
with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and
stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships.
Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which
to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticized only by fools.
not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on
blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you
are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I
cannot criticize my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty.
They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree
with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and
stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships.
Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which
to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticized only by fools.
“What I
feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.”
feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.”
“They
completed all of the service of the Mishkan, Tent of the Meeting, and B’nei
Yisrael did like all that Hashem had commanded Moshe, so they did.”[7]
completed all of the service of the Mishkan, Tent of the Meeting, and B’nei
Yisrael did like all that Hashem had commanded Moshe, so they did.”[7]
What is the reason for the Torah’s glaring redundancy
in saying “so they did”?
in saying “so they did”?
Th Chasam Sofer explains that until the Mishkan was
completed, the Avodah was performed by the firstborn of each family[8]. As soon as
the Mishkan was erected and initiated, the Avodah was transferred to the
Kohanim and Leviim. It would be understandable for the nation to be pained by
the loss of the service from a member of each family, just as Korach complained
about his not being appointed to a higher level of authority.
completed, the Avodah was performed by the firstborn of each family[8]. As soon as
the Mishkan was erected and initiated, the Avodah was transferred to the
Kohanim and Leviim. It would be understandable for the nation to be pained by
the loss of the service from a member of each family, just as Korach complained
about his not being appointed to a higher level of authority.
The pasuk is revealing that although “all of the
service of the Mishkan was completed” which meant that the service was
permanently removed from the firstborn of each family, nonetheless, “like all
that Hashem had commanded Moshe, so they did.” Just as Moshe rejoiced in his
special opportunity to perform the duties of the Kohain Gadol for seven days[9], so did the
B’nai Yisrael rejoice in the initiation of the Mishkan, despite the personal
loss that it entailed.
service of the Mishkan was completed” which meant that the service was
permanently removed from the firstborn of each family, nonetheless, “like all
that Hashem had commanded Moshe, so they did.” Just as Moshe rejoiced in his
special opportunity to perform the duties of the Kohain Gadol for seven days[9], so did the
B’nai Yisrael rejoice in the initiation of the Mishkan, despite the personal
loss that it entailed.
In March 11, 2016, Yisrael
Kristal was officially named the world’s oldest living man by the Guinness
World Records. At the time, Kristal was 112 years, 178 days old.
Kristal was officially named the world’s oldest living man by the Guinness
World Records. At the time, Kristal was 112 years, 178 days old.
Kristal, a
religious Jew, lived through both world wars and survived Auschwitz. In an
interview he said, “I don’t know the secret for long life. I believe that
everything is determined from above and we shall never know the reasons why.
religious Jew, lived through both world wars and survived Auschwitz. In an
interview he said, “I don’t know the secret for long life. I believe that
everything is determined from above and we shall never know the reasons why.
“There have
been smarter, stronger and better-looking men then me who are no longer alive.
All that is left for us to do is to keep on working as hard as we can and
rebuild what is lost.”
been smarter, stronger and better-looking men then me who are no longer alive.
All that is left for us to do is to keep on working as hard as we can and
rebuild what is lost.”
Kristal was born to
near the town of Zarnow in Poland in 1903 – the year Stalin joined the
Bolsheviks in Czarist Russia, Ford produced its first car and King Edward VII
was made British Emperor of India.
near the town of Zarnow in Poland in 1903 – the year Stalin joined the
Bolsheviks in Czarist Russia, Ford produced its first car and King Edward VII
was made British Emperor of India.
He survived the
First World War after becoming separated from his parents when he was just 11.
In 1920 he moved to Łódź in Poland to work in his family confectionery
business. Following the Nazi invasion of Poland and the occupation of Łódź,
Kristal was forced into the Łódź ghetto with his family in 1939.
First World War after becoming separated from his parents when he was just 11.
In 1920 he moved to Łódź in Poland to work in his family confectionery
business. Following the Nazi invasion of Poland and the occupation of Łódź,
Kristal was forced into the Łódź ghetto with his family in 1939.
Four years later he
was sent to Auschwitz. Kristal lost his wife, Chaja Feige Frucht, and their two
children in the Holocaust.
was sent to Auschwitz. Kristal lost his wife, Chaja Feige Frucht, and their two
children in the Holocaust.
Kristal himself
survived, performing back-breaking slave labor in Auschwitz and other
concentration camps. He was rescued from the brink of death by the Allies in May
1945, weighing only 37 kilos.
survived, performing back-breaking slave labor in Auschwitz and other
concentration camps. He was rescued from the brink of death by the Allies in May
1945, weighing only 37 kilos.
A sole survivor of
a large family, he emigrated in 1950 to the city of Haifa in Israel with his
second wife and their son. Since that time, Kristal continued to grow both his
family and his successful confectionery business until his retirement.
a large family, he emigrated in 1950 to the city of Haifa in Israel with his
second wife and their son. Since that time, Kristal continued to grow both his
family and his successful confectionery business until his retirement.
Kristal never had a
bar mitzvah, due to the hardships of the First World War. However, he has never
missed a day of wearing tefillin, with the exception of the Holocaust and the
first world war.
bar mitzvah, due to the hardships of the First World War. However, he has never
missed a day of wearing tefillin, with the exception of the Holocaust and the
first world war.
After being crowned
the world’s oldest man, Japan’s Koide credited his longevity to[10]
abstinence from alcohol and cigarettes. But in a 2012 interview for Haaretz,
Kristal gave no such advice, instead saying: “It’s no great bargain.
Everyone has their own good fortune. It’s from heaven. There are no
secrets.”
the world’s oldest man, Japan’s Koide credited his longevity to[10]
abstinence from alcohol and cigarettes. But in a 2012 interview for Haaretz,
Kristal gave no such advice, instead saying: “It’s no great bargain.
Everyone has their own good fortune. It’s from heaven. There are no
secrets.”
His daughter, Shula
Kuperstoch, told The Jerusalem Post that her father has kept his
faith throughout his life, adding: “The Holocaust did not affect his
beliefs. My father is someone who is always happy. He is optimistic, wise, and
he values what he has.
Kuperstoch, told The Jerusalem Post that her father has kept his
faith throughout his life, adding: “The Holocaust did not affect his
beliefs. My father is someone who is always happy. He is optimistic, wise, and
he values what he has.
“His attitude
to life is everything in moderation. He eats and sleeps moderately and says
that a person should always be in control of their own life and not have their
life control them, as far as this is possible.
to life is everything in moderation. He eats and sleeps moderately and says
that a person should always be in control of their own life and not have their
life control them, as far as this is possible.
“He believes
he was saved because that’s what G-d wanted. He is not an angry person, he is
not someone who seeks to an accounting, he believes everything has a reason in
the world.”
he was saved because that’s what G-d wanted. He is not an angry person, he is
not someone who seeks to an accounting, he believes everything has a reason in
the world.”
Life inevitably
presents us with challenges that are often incomprehensible and overwhelming.
The difference between someone who grows from such experiences and someone who
becomes paralyzed and stymied, is often based on their perspective – do they
fall into a victim mentality or are they able to embrace the challenges despite
the pain.
presents us with challenges that are often incomprehensible and overwhelming.
The difference between someone who grows from such experiences and someone who
becomes paralyzed and stymied, is often based on their perspective – do they
fall into a victim mentality or are they able to embrace the challenges despite
the pain.
Many people live
their lives blaming everyone else for their shortcomings, circumstances, and
struggles. The truth is that in many situations they may very well be
right. But such an attitude and
perspective ensure that they will never transcend those impediments.
their lives blaming everyone else for their shortcomings, circumstances, and
struggles. The truth is that in many situations they may very well be
right. But such an attitude and
perspective ensure that they will never transcend those impediments.
The most inspiring
people are those who have all the excuses in the world, and yet somehow pushed
past their limitations and achieved any level of success and greatness. The
survivors of any trauma who not only don’t allow themselves to wallow in the
pain of their past, but even utilize their terrible circumstances to help
others and grow from their painful experiences.
people are those who have all the excuses in the world, and yet somehow pushed
past their limitations and achieved any level of success and greatness. The
survivors of any trauma who not only don’t allow themselves to wallow in the
pain of their past, but even utilize their terrible circumstances to help
others and grow from their painful experiences.
The completion of
the mishkan was celebrated with great excitement and devotion, despite the
personal loss it presented to the nation. That is also why Purim is a holiday
of such intense external joy. In the face of the greatest danger our ancestors
ever faced since the inception of our nationhood, they rose to the occasion and
refused to allow themselves to wallow in self-pity.
the mishkan was celebrated with great excitement and devotion, despite the
personal loss it presented to the nation. That is also why Purim is a holiday
of such intense external joy. In the face of the greatest danger our ancestors
ever faced since the inception of our nationhood, they rose to the occasion and
refused to allow themselves to wallow in self-pity.
Purim is a
celebration of a nation that transcended a traumatic experience and used it to
become greater and better people.
celebration of a nation that transcended a traumatic experience and used it to
become greater and better people.
“The matter is dependent only upon me”
“They completed the service of the Mishkan… so they
did”
did”
Rabbi Dani Staum,
LMSW
LMSW
Rebbe/Guidance
Counselor – Heichal HaTorah
Counselor – Heichal HaTorah
Principal – Ohr
Naftoli- New Windsor
Naftoli- New Windsor
[1] The
following is the lecture I delivered at Kehillat New Hempstead, Parshas Pekudei
5776
following is the lecture I delivered at Kehillat New Hempstead, Parshas Pekudei
5776
[2] Ta’anis
29
29
[3] Avoda
Zara 17a
Zara 17a
[4] This
was part of her tactic to lure him into enjoying the experience. She reasoned
that since he anyway would never be able to rectify his wrongs, and he had
already sunk so low, he might as well allow himself to become completely swept
away in this sin. This is part of the lie our evil inclination tells us
constantly. That is why the gemara makes it a point t relate this detail. The
greatness of the story is that Elazar ben Durdaya did not succumb to her
tactic, and in fact the opposite occurred, as it stirred his latent soul and
moved him to want to rectify his ways.
was part of her tactic to lure him into enjoying the experience. She reasoned
that since he anyway would never be able to rectify his wrongs, and he had
already sunk so low, he might as well allow himself to become completely swept
away in this sin. This is part of the lie our evil inclination tells us
constantly. That is why the gemara makes it a point t relate this detail. The
greatness of the story is that Elazar ben Durdaya did not succumb to her
tactic, and in fact the opposite occurred, as it stirred his latent soul and
moved him to want to rectify his ways.
[5]
Because he repented, he merited being called Rabbi in the gemara
Because he repented, he merited being called Rabbi in the gemara
[6]
Author of the Harry Potter series; Rowling’s story is one of rags to riches,
complete obscurity to great fame
Author of the Harry Potter series; Rowling’s story is one of rags to riches,
complete obscurity to great fame
[7]
Shemos 39:32
Shemos 39:32
[8] See
Zevachim 112b
Zevachim 112b
[9]
During the seven days of ‘Milu’im’, the seven days of preparation before the
first day of Nissan when the avodah of the Mishkan began in earnest with Aharon
as the Koahin Gadol and his sons as the Kohanim, Moshe performed the duties of
the Kohain Gadol.
During the seven days of ‘Milu’im’, the seven days of preparation before the
first day of Nissan when the avodah of the Mishkan began in earnest with Aharon
as the Koahin Gadol and his sons as the Kohanim, Moshe performed the duties of
the Kohain Gadol.
[10]
Sadly, Yisrael Kristal passed away in August 2017 at the age of 113.
Sadly, Yisrael Kristal passed away in August 2017 at the age of 113.