PARSHAS CHAYEI SARAH 5781

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STAM TORAH

PARSHAS CHAYEI SARAH
5781[1]

“IN SEARCH OF TRUE
BEAUTY”

 

Stam Torah is
lovingly dedicated in honor of the bar mitzvah of our dear son, Avi, this
Shabbos. May he continue to grow in the path of Torah and Avodas Hashem.

Stam Torah is also lovingly
dedicated in memory of my beloved Zaydei, R’ Yaakov Meir ben R’ Yosef Yitzchok
z”l, whose yahrtzeit is this Shabbos, 27 MarCheshvan.

 

          Rabbi
Mordechai Finkelman[2]
lives in Boro Park in a two-family house. He related that, for many years,
there was an Italian family that lived on the other side of the wall with whom
the Finkelmans had a cordial relationship.

          One
Friday night, the Italian neighbor’s sister knocked on the Finkelman’s door and
asked if she could leave a package for her sister who was not home at that time.
The Finkelmans readily accepted and she left a note for her sister, informing
her that the package was next door.  

          While
the Finkelman family was enjoying their Friday night seudah, the neighbor came
home, saw the note, and knocked on their door. They welcomed her in and explained
to her that because it was Shabbos, they couldn’t help her with the package,
but she was welcome to take it herself from the kitchen.

          As
she walked through the dining room, she suddenly stopped, and her eyes widened.
She slowly looked around at the Shabbos table. She looked at the silver
candelabra with the burning Shabbos candles, the delicious food, the settings
of china and silver cutlery, and at the children sitting around the table in
their Shabbos finery. She asked, “Do you do this every week?” Rabbi
Finkelman explained that this was indeed their weekly Shabbos ritual. Tears
welled up in her eyes and she replied, “If we are lucky, we have a family
get-together like this twice a year. I cannot believe you enjoy this every
single week.”

 

          Avrohom
and Sarah enjoyed a beautiful marriage. The greatness they respectively achieved
was largely abetted by the other.

          After
surpassing the greatest of his tests, the akeidah, Avrohom returned home to
find that Sarah had died seemingly as a direct result of the akeidah. Avrohom
was crushed, yet he controlled his emotions so as not to show any signs of
regret over his fulfilling G-d’s command.

          Avrohom
related a beautiful eulogy for Sarah that was recorded for posterity centuries
later by Shlomo Hamelech in chapter 31 of Mishlei: “Eishes chayil mi
yimtza– A woman of valor who can find?”[3]

          Yalkut
Shimoni explains how each sentence relates the greatness of Sarah as the ultimate
woman of valor. On Friday night, we sing this chapter as an ode to the woman of
the house who worked so hard to prepare and usher in the sanctity of Shabbos. In
Kaballah[4] it states
that we sing Eishes Chayil on Friday night in honor of the Shabbos queen. The
“woman of valor” is also an analogy for Torah[5].

          Bearing
this in mind, I was always struck by the second to the last verse in the
chapter. “Sheker hachain v’hevel hayofi isha yiras Hashem hi tis’halal-
Grace is false and beauty is vain, a G-d-fearing woman – she should be
praised.” If the Torah is the guidebook to perfection and Shabbos is the
crescendo of the week and a glimpse into the utopia of the future, what grace
and beauty do they possess, that is deemed false or vain?

         

          When
I was learning in Eretz Yisroel several decades ago, one of the Rabbeim from
the yeshiva invited a friend and myself to join him at his home for Shabbos. The
Rebbe lived in Telz-Stone, about a half-hour bus ride from Yerushalayim. On
Friday night we crammed into his small Telz-Stone apartment with his many young
children. To say the apartment was modest is an understatement. One of his
children was screaming and carrying on, yet my Rebbe and his wife spoke to him
softly and lovingly. The atmosphere was regal and peaceful.

          Maybe
it was being far away from home for the first time and missing my parents
Shabbos table. But for whatever reason that Shabbos meal made a deep impression
upon me. My Rebbe’s face seemed to radiate with joy as he sang zemiros, related
divrei Torah, and interacted with his children and made sure to make us feel
part of it all.

          While
sitting at that Shabbos table, the words of Eishes Chayil took on new
meaning. There is tremendous beauty and grace in observing Shabbos. Living a
Torah life too grants meaning, direction, and holiness. It is a beautiful life.
 

          Still,
a Jew must recognize that the reason he observes Shabbos and adheres to the
laws of the Torah is not because of its beauty and grace. Rather, we observe
them because the Torah commands us to do so. Our aim and motive in life is to
fulfill the Will of Hashem, whatever it may be.

          This
is perhaps the message the pasuk is conveying: “Sheker hachain v’hevel
hayofee” the aspect of beauty and grace of Shabbos/Torah is false and
vain. The only reason we observe them is, “Isha Yiras Hashem hi
tishalal” because we must be G-d fearing Jews who follow G-d’s
command.

          However,
even with this newfound understanding, is it a coincidence that there is beauty
and grace in keeping Shabbos and observing a life of Torah? Doesn’t G-d want us
to enjoy them? Perhaps beauty and grace aren’t a priority, but it seems a bit
harsh to call it “false and vain”?

          In
addition, how can it be said that the beauty of a woman is false and vain if
the Torah relates that the Matriarchs were beautiful?  Why would the Torah point this out if beauty is
meaningless?

          The Vilna Gaon explains that grace and beauty
are false and vain only when they are not accompanied by Fear of G-d. If beauty
is only external it is at best superficial and vapid.  However, if a beautiful and charming woman
possesses Fear of G-d, she is worthy of praise. True beauty radiates from
within. Jewish tradition recognizes beauty as a factor in the total
personality. But a woman who lacks values is not considered beautiful, but
vulgar. But if she possesses inner beauty, than outer beauty is a crowning
feature.

          The
same idea may be said regarding Shabbos and Torah. One who only observes
Shabbos because of its radiance, and only observes the Torah because it him
feel elevated, is on a path of vanity and falsehood. However, one who remains
steadfast to Torah and to Shabbos observance out of a sense of mission and duty
to his Creator, will merit the beauty and inner joy that is to be gleaned from
its observance. Such a person can enjoy the beauty and the grace of Shabbos and
Torah as well.

          If
one only observes Shabbos and Torah because of their beauty and grace, when
faced with challenges that make Shabbos and Torah observance difficult, he will
likely not maintain their observance.

          A
Jew serves Hashem because he is instructed to do so. He hopes and awaits the
feeling of spiritual bliss and internal meaning which observance brings with
it. But the foundation and starting point must be a sense of duty and mission
to his creator.

          Avrohom
and Sarah lived their lives with that sense of mission. We, their descendants,
are the beneficiaries of their unyielding efforts. It is because of their
example that we remain committed to Shabbos and Torah observance.

          What
a beautiful and meaningful life it is!

          As
Avi sets out on the path of maturity and being a gadol on his bar mitzvah, we daven
that he always have this sense of mission and duty to Hashem and that Hashem in
turn help Him enjoy the blissful sweetness of living a Torah life.

 

          “Grace
is false and beauty is vain”

          “A
woman of valor who can find”

         

 

Rabbi
Dani Staum

stamtorah@gmail.com

www.stamtorah.info