Vaera
“Revealing Hidden Praise”[1]
Parshas Vaera 5784
לזכר נשמת אסתר תהלה בת ר’ גבריאל פינחס
Based on “Erev Shabbos Parsha Inspiration” by Rabbi Phillip Moskowitz[2]
Written by Rabbi Dani Staum[3]
Moshe’s handicap is described in two different ways:
In Shemos 6:12 he asks Hashem how will Pharoah listen to me, “ואני ערל שפתים”?
In parshas Shemos however, Moshe said that he didn’t want to be the messenger, “כי כבד פה וכבד לשון אנכי”.
Though at first glance the two terms seem to mean the same thing, that Moshe had a speech impediment, there must be a deeper point that Moshe was conveying with these two expressions.
What is the difference between these two terms?
כבד פה refers to the physical speech impediment of Moshe Rabbeinu.
ערל שפתים however, refers to Moshe’s own skepticism regarding his worthiness.
These are two different components. One is his actual disability. The other was his perception about how his disability affected him and precluded him from being worthy and competent to speak to Pharoah. It was a different factor that impeded his ability to communicate.
This idea is true about any challenge, limitation or disability one has. There is the actual disability and the limitations that come with it. Then there is what we allow that disability to do to us; how we allow it to hold us back. Those things are not a result of the disability itself but of our self-imposed skepticism about what we are capable of and what our limitations are.
David Boies is a very successful trial lawyer. He was the lawyer who argued in favor of Al Gore in the national sensation case of Bush versus Gore. He is also diagnosed with dyslexia.
In his book David and Goliath, Malcome Gladwell writes about David Boies:
“Here we have one of the greatest lawyers in the country, and he is profoundly dyslexic. He reads basically one book a year. He finds reading difficult and painful. Think about that for a moment, he’s a lawyer! He’s in a profession that has reading at its absolute core. When I talked to him, I said, ‘How did you become such a successful lawyer in spite of this disability?’ And he said, ‘not in spite, I became a successful lawyer because of this so-called disability.’ And he explained to me how he spent his life compensating for this.
“He learned how to listen, and he also developed an extraordinary memory. So he would sit in school, and he didn’t take notes, he sat and listened to the teacher and remembered everything that was said. Those two skills turned out to be far more useful than you’d think in getting through school, but more importantly, when he becomes a trial lawyer, what’s being a great trial lawyer all about? It’s about listening very closely to what the person you’re cross-examining is saying and being able to summon that in the moment. So he’s famous for confronting the witness and saying, ‘Three days ago, you said the following thing.’ He’d been working on those skills his entire life.”
David Boies had a very valid excuse to never become a lawyer, and surely to never present in front of the Supreme Court. He had a profound limitation. Yet he used it to make himself more successful in the long run.
The כבד פה is like dyslexia. But that’s only the first part of the story. It doesn’t have to also become ערל שפתים.
One can overcome that skepticism and push himself to accomplish great things, despite, and often because of, his limitations. He can learn to reinvent himself based on who he is with all his limitations.
This is a message that should resonate with every person. We all have limitations –cognitive, physical, etc. We often use them as excuses for why we cannot accomplish more. It’s my disability that holds me back. I don’t have a good memory, I didn’t grow up with a yeshiva education, I can’t read well, etc. We place limitations upon ourselves. We allow the doubts in our minds to percolate and ferment until they become full-fledged incapacitations. At that point, our real issue isn’t our actual disability but our own self-doubt.
Every challenge can also be an opportunity, if viewed that way.
Hashem told Moshe that he indeed had a כבד פה. But he could not allow that to stop him from fulfilling his mission. Indeed, he became the greatest leader who ever lived.
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In the hesped Rabbi Moskowitz delivered for his beloved daughter Esty a”h at her funeral on February 12, 2023, after relating the above idea he added:
“I was thinking about this duality over these last thirteen months. Esti’s speech was not affected, but she was, in a sense, כבד פה. For everyone who knew her beforehand, it was very hard to see her become so limited. Although she continued to be so amazing, and she refined herself in unbelievable ways, she still wasn’t herself. But even then, she never became ערל שפתיים. Not once did her illness ever impact her psychologically. Not once did she ever lose her optimism, her zest for life. Not once did it slow her down unnecessarily.
“When we spent that magical week in Israel, in defiance of the laws of the nature, she was the one pulling us; we weren’t pulling her. At 9pm, she dragged us to Modi’in to spend time with friends. She was physically limited at the end, but she never for a second allowed it to slow her down.
“There is not a minute or a millisecond of this past year that I regret. Every moment we spent together, we had fun, we enjoyed, we laughed, we played, we did things together. Sometimes it was her dragging me, sometimes it was me dragging her. She never became ערל שפתיים. She never wallowed. She never had self-pity. She never bemoaned her condition or complained about being in a wheelchair. Not at all.”