WITH YOU

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”

Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Netzovim-Vayelech

22 Elul 5786/ September 4, 2026

Avos perek 5-6

WITH YOU

It’s an old bad joke.

The Rabbi wakes up early one stunning sunny Yom Kippur morning and decides to sneak off to the golf course to play a few rounds before davening. The angels in heaven are appalled. The Rabbi is golfing on Yom Kippur? Surely, there must be severe and immediate divine retribution. To their utter shock however, the Rabbi had a perfect day. He got a hole in one on all 18 holes. The angels were beside themselves and asked the chief angel how they could allow the rabbi to have a perfect game when he desecrated the holy day? The chief angel smiled, “Oh yeah? Who is he going to tell?”

Anyone who has made a simcha is aware that the guests are the ones who really “make” the simcha.

Logically, it would seem that the host would be far happier if people don’t come. After all, he must pay for the meal of every guest who attends. But the reality is not that way. You can have the liveliest band, the most beautiful flowers, the most delicious food in the most stunning hall. But if no one shows up, it’s not going to be a very festive event.

Rav Aharon Leib Steinman zt”l (Ayeles Hashachar, parshas Vayeshev 37:5 & 37:35) notes that every chosson hopes others will participate in his celebration. He is undoubtedly ecstatic with his own celebration and logically shouldn’t need anyone else’s involvement to enhance his simcha. However, the nature of people is that one cannot fully celebrate by himself. He needs others to share his joy with because a person cannot keep his emotions to himself.

Rav Steinman quotes from the introduction of Meshovev Nesivos: “If a person was able to ascend to the heavens and would see the celestial legions and how they function, he would not enjoy the experience until he returned to this world and described the incredible revelation to a friend.”

Rav Steinman explains that that is the reason why Yosef recounted his dreams to his brothers. Yosef was so enamored by the dreams that he wanted to share them with others, because that is the nature of a person who is excited by something he saw or experienced.

Rav Steinman concludes that Hashem created people’s nature in this manner so that people will connect to each other.

Someone once asked Rabbi Avigdor Miller zt’l how he should prepare for the judgment of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Rabbi Miller replied that he should smile. He then explained, “You think that I’m old, and that I’m not speaking coherently, for how does smiling grant someone a good judgment? But actually, this is very good advice. I will explain with an analogy. Someone owns a chain of stores. At the end of each year, he takes inventory and decides what changes have to be made for the upcoming year. Some stores will need more advertising, some employees will be laid off, and so on. The proprietor’s advisor said, “Even if you let go of some employees, don’t fire Mr. So-and-so. He always has a smile on his face, which gives the consumers a good feeling. There are people who come to the store just to meet with him…’

“Similarly, at the end of the year Hashem takes inventory, to see how the world is running… If there is someone who always has a smile on his face, bringing joy to others, he is an asset to the world, and Hashem will therefore grant him life and a good year so he can continue bringing joy to others.”


On a similar note, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter zt’l taught that doing chessed with others is tremendously beneficial. Even if the one who does chesse does not deserve a positive judgement based on his own merits, he may be granted a better verdict because of the recipients of his largesse who benefit from him.

Someone once asked Rabbi Nosson Tzvi Finkel what one thing he should daven for on Rosh Hashanah. Rabbi Nosson Tzvi replied, “Daven for someone else.”

One of the local Jewish newspapers periodically posts a question posed to a collection of individuals, often including some famous personalities. The responses are posted in the paper.

On one occasion they were asked if they had a chance to invite any three people from anywhere in the world and from any generation in history, who would they invite to their Shabbos seudah?

Many of the responses included invitations to the Avos or other notable personalities mentioned in Tanach, or the Gemara. The response of Rabbi Dovid Feinstein zt”l however, was legendary. He replied that he would choose to invite three poor and needy people.

Someone once asked Rabbi Yisroel Salanter what he should focus on during hakafos on Simchas Torah. Rabbi Yisroel replied that he should focus on not stepping on anyone else’s foot while dancing excitedly.

A student from the Philadelphia Yeshiva was going to be chazzan for Neilah on Yom Kippur for the first time. He asked his Rosh Yeshiva, Rabbi Shmuel Kamenetsky, what he should be particular about and focus on while davening for the amud during the exalted waning moments of the holy day. (I was told that the new chazzan was Rabbi Shmuel’s son, Rabbi Shalom Kamenetsky, the current Rosh Yeshiva. Rav Shalom was davening for the amud in the yeshiva for the first time.) Rabbi Shmuel replied that he should be mindful to finish on time because people are weak from the fast.

The common denominator between all these anecdotes is the emphasis on being sensitive to the feelings and wellbeing of others. We underestimate the value and importance of interpersonal relationships. This is especially true in times of joy and times of challenge. In times of loss, we are comforted by others who sit with us in our pain. In times of joy our celebration is magnified by friends and family who take the time to celebrate with us.

One who has not (yet) made a simcha cannot comprehend how meaningful and touching it is when others join. It’s normal for people to groan about a simcha they will be traveling to. It’s not easy to give up a few hours of travel time and then attend the actual simcha. But when attending a simcha it’s worth remembering and focusing on the great chessed that he is performing.

This Shabbos our family celebrates the bar mitzvah of our dear son Shimshon Dovid. We daven and extend our humble beracha to him that he not only continues to grow in Torah and mitzvos, but that he continues to develop the beautiful middos he already displays.

We are so grateful to all those who will be attending Dovid’s bar mitzvah and to those who attended the wedding of our children, Shalom and Aliza, a couple of weeks ago. Even those who only came for a few minutes meant so much to us.

May we always share Simchos in good health and be b’simcha that we have the good fortune to enhance someone else’s simcha!

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

R’ Dani and Chani Staum

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