“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Shemos 5786
20 Teves 5786/January 9, 2026
REAL TRUTH
Before Chanukah a few weeks ago, my younger children were listening to a kid’s story about Chanukah. The storyteller shared the story behind the custom to play dreidel. When Torah study had been outlawed by the Syrian-Greek government, the Jews would clandestinely sit together and study Torah with dreidels on hand. When the studying Jews heard the Syrian-Greek soldiers approaching, they immediately hid their scrolls and began playing with their dreidels.
At that point our 9-year-old son, Michael, quipped to no one in particular, “that’s not honest!”
His comment made me stop and think. Technically, he was correct. Fooling the Syrian-Greek soldiers was not honest, at least not by the simple definition we are taught when we are young. But the deeper question is whether it’s always correct to be honest based on our simple definition of honesty.
My rebbe, Rabbi Berel Wein zt”l, would often note that a Jew must be sophisticated. Life isn’t black and white and a person has to be able to navigate the gray areas and gray moments of life. He would also quote his rebbe who would say that G-d is to be found in the back of the Shulchan Aruch. Beyond the text, one must develop an intuitive understanding of what the Torah expects of him.
It’s intriguing that the Torah never says “Thou shalt not lie.” Rather the Torah says: “From matters of falsehood you must keep away” (Shemos 23:7).[1]
The concept of emes, loosely translated as “truth,” is a supreme value in a Jew’s life. We strive to attain truth and to live lives of truth. But we must understand what constitutes emes (truth).
Yaakov Avinu is known as the paragon of emes, as we state, “Give truth to Yaakov” (Michah 7:20). One who reads the Torah without proper understanding would think that Yaakov is the last of the patriarchs who should merit that distinction. He finagled the firstborn rites and, subsequently, the divine blessings of his father from Eisav. He was able to keep pace with his cunning and evil father-in-law, Lavan.
It is clear that emes is more than just stating raw facts.
Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler, in Michtav M’Eliyahu, (Vol. I, p. 94), writes:
“What is truth and what is falsehood? When we are young we are taught that truth is to relate facts as they occurred and falsehood is to deviate from the facts. This is true in situations that are clear cut. However, life often presents us with more challenging situations.
“Sometimes it may be wrong to state the facts as they occurred, such as to relate the flaws of another without specific reason to do so. At other times, it may be necessary to alter details, such as when telling the simple truth would cause problems, instead of helping the situation. In such instances, what appears to be true is false, because it has negative repercussions. On the flip side what appears to be false may help achieve the truth.
“The bottom line is that truth is defined as whatever brings to goodness and fulfillment of the Will of the Creator. Falsehood is whatever furthers the scheme of the “Prince of Falsehood”, the Sitra Achara (“other side”, i.e., forces of impurity).
In Parshas Vayera the Torah states that Hashem asked Avrohom Avinu why Sarah laughed upon hearing that she would bear a son. However, the pasuk notes that Hashem said that Sarah laughed and declared “how can I have a child if I am old”, when in truth she had declared, “how can I have a child if my master is so old.”
Chazal relate us that Hashem “altered for the sake of peace.” If Avrohom was told that Sarah said that he was too old to father a child, it may have upset him, if even a little. Instead, Hashem told Avrohom that Sarah stated that she was too old.
This teaches us a valuable lesson that at times one can alter the truth somewhat for the sake of peace. (This is similar to the approach that Aharon Hakohain would do to restore peace between two people who were fighting. See Avos d’Rebbi Nosson 12:3.)
This concept is also reflected in a dispute between Beis Shammai and Beis Hillel about what one should proclaim while dancing in front of a Kallah. The Gemara (Kesubos 16b) states:
“The Sages taught: How does one dance before the bride? Beis Shammai say: (One speaks of)) the bride as she is. Beis Hillel say: (One praises her as) a beautiful and pleasant bride.”
The words of Beis Hillel are well-known and are the subject of many lively tunes, often sung during weddings, especially while people dance intensely in front of the Kallah.
The only problem is that the Gemara continues that Beis Shammai asked Beis Hillel if the Kallah isn’t attractive how can she be praised as such? What happened to the Torah’s instruction that one must keep away from falsehood?
I heard from the Novominsker Rebbe zt”l that Beis Hillel is teaching us the concept of subjective beauty. Perhaps the kallah doesn’t seem appealing to every attendee at the wedding. But we can assume that her chosson thinks she is beautiful. One can praise the kallah as being beautiful, even if he personally doesn’t think so. It may not be his truth, but someone else’s subjective truth also counts. One’s own opinion isn’t the only truth.
There are many ethical questions that are dependent on how one understands the concept of truth. A boat full of refugees from war-torn Europe during the Holocaust arrived at the shores of the United States. With some illegal bribing and effort, the refugees could have been smuggled into the country. But because it was against the law, they were denied entry and eventually were sent back to Europe. Almost all those refugees were killed.
How do we view those who refused to lie and engage in illegal activities to save those refugees? Are they heroes or are they complicit in murder?
The story of Yaakov Avinu speaks volumes in this regard.
These days the whole concept of truth is in constant flux. Some examples include the definition of marriage, who is considered a terrorist, and even one’s gender. All these concepts are subject to personal biases and definitions. What’s considered true today in our society, may no longer be considered true tomorrow.
Contrast that with the Torah’s definition of emes. We state at the end of kiddush on Rosh Hashanah evening: “And Your word is truth and stands forever.” The Torah defines truth as eternal and unchanging. The only truth then is what connects to the divine.
I don’t know if my 9-year-old son has the capacity to understand all this yet. While he is correct that playing dreidel to fool the guards isn’t truthful per se, it does fall into the category of Emes. Like Yaakov Avinu outsmarting Eisav to receive the blessings due to him and like one who alters the truth to promote peace, we sometimes are forced to employ uncomfortable methods in order to keep the Torah.
Knowing the parameters of when it’s a virtue and when it’s just falsehood requires depth and understanding. But as a reader of this column, you undoubtedly possess that requisite level of sophistication.
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum
STRIVINGHIGHER.COM
[1] The Torah does say “And you shall not lie” (Vayikra 19:11) but that specifically refers to swearing falsely after falsely denying that one has an item of another in his possession.