“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Vayera
17 Cheshvan 5780/November 15, 2019
This week’s Musings are lovingly dedicated
in memory of my Savta, Mrs. Minnie Staum a”h, Shprintza bas Avrohom Yitzchok
whose yahrtzeit is on Friday, 17 Cheshvan.
in memory of my Savta, Mrs. Minnie Staum a”h, Shprintza bas Avrohom Yitzchok
whose yahrtzeit is on Friday, 17 Cheshvan.
PARENTAL NACHAS
A few weeks ago our
family celebrated the upsherin (first haircut at age three) of our twins,
Gavriel and Michael. Before their official haircuts, we took them for the
“first cutting” and to to receive berachos from our rebbe, Rabbi Chaim Schabes,
my uncle, Rabbi Yaakov Cohn, and the Nikolsburger Rebbe. Needless to say, the
cutting and berachos of their grandparents were special and meaningful too.
family celebrated the upsherin (first haircut at age three) of our twins,
Gavriel and Michael. Before their official haircuts, we took them for the
“first cutting” and to to receive berachos from our rebbe, Rabbi Chaim Schabes,
my uncle, Rabbi Yaakov Cohn, and the Nikolsburger Rebbe. Needless to say, the
cutting and berachos of their grandparents were special and meaningful too.
After their haircuts, we took them
to Yeshiva of Spring Valley, the elementary yeshiva of my youth and our sons’
elementary yeshiva (as well as iy”H the twins’ future yeshiva) to the class of
Rabbi Dovid Malin. Rabbi Malin is a special rebbe with endless love and warmth.
Together with his class, he reviewed and sang the Aleph Bais with Gavriel and
Michael, as they happily licked honey off lollipops dipped onto a chart with
each letter. That was followed by a lovely seudah for family and friends in our
backyard. It was a very special event.
to Yeshiva of Spring Valley, the elementary yeshiva of my youth and our sons’
elementary yeshiva (as well as iy”H the twins’ future yeshiva) to the class of
Rabbi Dovid Malin. Rabbi Malin is a special rebbe with endless love and warmth.
Together with his class, he reviewed and sang the Aleph Bais with Gavriel and
Michael, as they happily licked honey off lollipops dipped onto a chart with
each letter. That was followed by a lovely seudah for family and friends in our
backyard. It was a very special event.
The twins received quite a few
adorable gifts. But there was one that really excited me. My sister and
brother-in-law, Shoshana and Daniel, gave them a toy tallis and tefillin set.
From afar the tefillin look real, which is why I had to explain to visitors why
there were tefillin strewn all over the couch and living room floor on Shabbos!
adorable gifts. But there was one that really excited me. My sister and
brother-in-law, Shoshana and Daniel, gave them a toy tallis and tefillin set.
From afar the tefillin look real, which is why I had to explain to visitors why
there were tefillin strewn all over the couch and living room floor on Shabbos!
During
my youth I couldn’t wait until my bar mitzvah when I would be able to start
putting on tefillin. I still have a clear memory as an eleven-year-old sitting
on my bed thinking my bar mitzvah is never going to arrive!
my youth I couldn’t wait until my bar mitzvah when I would be able to start
putting on tefillin. I still have a clear memory as an eleven-year-old sitting
on my bed thinking my bar mitzvah is never going to arrive!
During my youth, whenever I came
across a string or long thick cloth I would roll up my sleeve and wrap it
around my arm seven times. I would make it tight enough and keep it there long
enough for it leave a mark on my arm, just like I saw on my father’s arm each
morning when he removed his tefillin. I was excited that Gavriel and Michael
had a toy set that they could play with. I would have loved to have such a
thing when I was a kid. Yet, to my surprise, they were completely uninterested
in the talis and tefillin set.
across a string or long thick cloth I would roll up my sleeve and wrap it
around my arm seven times. I would make it tight enough and keep it there long
enough for it leave a mark on my arm, just like I saw on my father’s arm each
morning when he removed his tefillin. I was excited that Gavriel and Michael
had a toy set that they could play with. I would have loved to have such a
thing when I was a kid. Yet, to my surprise, they were completely uninterested
in the talis and tefillin set.
Later that night, I realized why.
The pasuk states “The hidden is for
Hashem our G-d and the revealed is for us and our children forever” (Devorim
29:28). One of the homiletic explanations of the pasuk is that it is an
allusion to an important educational principle. Children are always watching
their parents and teachers. Far more than from what we say, our children learn
from the things we do. In general, a person shouldn’t flaunt his Avodas Hashem
and shouldn’t show off his religiosity. But there is one notable exception. One
should make sure his children witness how he serves Hashem so they can absorb
and internalize his values.[1] (Of course, that doesn’t
mean one should be disingenuous, but the things he does anyway he shouldn’t hide
from them.)
Hashem our G-d and the revealed is for us and our children forever” (Devorim
29:28). One of the homiletic explanations of the pasuk is that it is an
allusion to an important educational principle. Children are always watching
their parents and teachers. Far more than from what we say, our children learn
from the things we do. In general, a person shouldn’t flaunt his Avodas Hashem
and shouldn’t show off his religiosity. But there is one notable exception. One
should make sure his children witness how he serves Hashem so they can absorb
and internalize his values.[1] (Of course, that doesn’t
mean one should be disingenuous, but the things he does anyway he shouldn’t hide
from them.)
That is what the pasuk is alluding
to: “The hidden things are for Hashem” – if our children are not aware of the
virtuous acts we perform, they will not be able learn from them, and those
actions will remain known only to Hashem. But “the revealed ones” – the things
our children witness “are for us and our children forever” – not only will it
make an impression upon them, but hopefully will inspire them to follow that
example so that their children will learn to perform them as well.
to: “The hidden things are for Hashem” – if our children are not aware of the
virtuous acts we perform, they will not be able learn from them, and those
actions will remain known only to Hashem. But “the revealed ones” – the things
our children witness “are for us and our children forever” – not only will it
make an impression upon them, but hopefully will inspire them to follow that
example so that their children will learn to perform them as well.
I realized that Gavriel and Michael
have never seen me wearing my talis and tefillin (except perhaps at their bris;
but I assume that’s a suppressed memory). That’s why they had no interest in
wearing their own tallis and tefillin.
have never seen me wearing my talis and tefillin (except perhaps at their bris;
but I assume that’s a suppressed memory). That’s why they had no interest in
wearing their own tallis and tefillin.
In this situation, it was a good
thing that they never saw me in my tallis and tefillin because I daven in shul
every morning and they haven’t yet attended shul on a weekday morning. However,
the incident served as a good reminder that when it comes to our own children,
our need to be humble is somewhat mitigated. Our children need to see and hear
about the wonderful things we do so that they can learn from them.
thing that they never saw me in my tallis and tefillin because I daven in shul
every morning and they haven’t yet attended shul on a weekday morning. However,
the incident served as a good reminder that when it comes to our own children,
our need to be humble is somewhat mitigated. Our children need to see and hear
about the wonderful things we do so that they can learn from them.
[I should add that within a few days
of Gavriel and Michael seeing how excited I was about the tallis and tefillin,
they began to take a greater interest in them. Although they wouldn’t allow me
to show them how to properly put them on, they began to wear them in their own
way. A good reminder that what excites us will excite our children. But that’s
a whole other discussion.]
of Gavriel and Michael seeing how excited I was about the tallis and tefillin,
they began to take a greater interest in them. Although they wouldn’t allow me
to show them how to properly put them on, they began to wear them in their own
way. A good reminder that what excites us will excite our children. But that’s
a whole other discussion.]
We often hear discussions about our
children giving nachas to us. But we also need to give our children reason to
have nachas from us.
children giving nachas to us. But we also need to give our children reason to
have nachas from us.
I indeed have much nachas when I hear
stories about my grandparents and learn about the special roots I have. My Savta
was a person of love and devotion, from a family (the Gold family) that was and
is fiercely devoted to Avodas Hashem. All her descendants are the beneficiaries
of that. May her neshama have an aliyah.
stories about my grandparents and learn about the special roots I have. My Savta
was a person of love and devotion, from a family (the Gold family) that was and
is fiercely devoted to Avodas Hashem. All her descendants are the beneficiaries
of that. May her neshama have an aliyah.
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum
[1] I heard
this thought from my friend, Rabbi Yechiel Weberman, from his weekly one minute
WhatsApp d’var Torah a few months ago.
this thought from my friend, Rabbi Yechiel Weberman, from his weekly one minute
WhatsApp d’var Torah a few months ago.