Parshas Vaera 5781

 

 “RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”

Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Vaera

2 Shevat 5781/January 15, 2021

 

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CONSTITUTION
OF THE SHABBOS TABLE

 

            We, the “United
Children At the Shabbos Table” (U-CAST), in Order to form a more perfect
Shabbos table, establish our rights, ensure (what we consider to be) domestic
tranquility, provide for our common defense from parental demands, promote our general
Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our siblings, do
ordain and hereby establish this Constitution of the Shabbos Table:

  1. The custom is not to come
    to the Shabbos table when your father calls. You can explain that the
    gemara relates that two angels accompany a person home from shul on Friday
    night – one good angel and one bad. You don’t want to join at the table
    until the bad angel leaves.
  2. There is a mitzvah to
    make kiddush on whine. We fulfill that by whining and arguing about which
    seat we were assigned at the Shabbos table. If your parents aren’t
    listening to your complaints, you can cry out “Give me liberty or give me
    no dessert!” (You probably won’t be getting dessert.)
  3. It is an obligation to
    complain about the amount of grape juice you received from kiddush. Like
    on Seder night, each child aims to have four cups.
  4. The challah is covered at
    the table to prevent it from being shamed. Therefore, we don’t need to
    worry about shaming or taunting siblings during the remainder of the Shabbos
    meal.  
  5. It is praiseworthy when
    one spreads mitzvos around. To fulfill that, when washing for challah the custom
    is to flick some of the water left on your hands at another sibling.  If the other sibling doesn’t scream or
    retaliate, it’s questionable whether the flicker has fulfilled this
    custom.
  6. “They can lead you to the
    water cooler or refrigerator, but they can’t force you to serve.” If they
    do, you can assert your constitutional right to say, “it’s not my job.”
  7. If your parents insist
    you sing one of the shabbos zemiros before leaving the table, sing “Let it
    Go” at the top of your lungs and tell your parents it’s a reference to
    letting go of the yetzer hara.
  8. Shabbos is a day of
    outpouring of blessings, so one should take too many croutons/noodles to
    put in the soup, so that he/she has soup with croutons, and not the other
    way around.
  9. The custom is to take more
    soda than you can finish. If your parent ever tries to guilt you into
    finishing your food or drinks because there are children starving in
    Africa, offer to pack it up so your parent can send it to them.
  10. All desserts must be
    equal. Federal law prohibits discrimination of any persons by having any
    pieces of dessert even slightly bigger than others. Although measuring on
    Shabbos is generally prohibited, this falls under the rubric of pikuach
    nefesh     and therefore is permitted. It should also be noted that if
    one feels his/her piece is smaller than another’s, he/she can demand a
    recount.
  11. It is customary to sneak
    away from the Shabbos seudah to read The Circle/Mishpacha Junior/Zman/Ami Jr/Kid
    Speak (or Sports Illustrated). or whatever other book is available.  It is proper to fight with your siblings
    about who had it first, and whether leaving it on the couch is considered “still
    having it”.
  12. When asked to share a
    d’var Torah, there are two approaches: Some children look at their parents
    as if they are from Mars, so that the parents wonder why they are paying
    so much in tuition. Others proceed to say over every d’var Torah they ever
    heard from all their teachers until their parents fall asleep at the
    table. Either approach is appropriate.
  13. After the seudah is over,
    it is customary to forget about clearing the table. Some conveniently go
    to the bathroom just prior to bentching with a stomachache and have a
    miraculous recovery as soon as the table is cleared. Others have the
    custom to bentch with tremendous kavnah, saying every word with intense concentration,
    until the table has been cleared. As soon as that happens, they skip the remainder
    of bentching. Others go to a friend’s house before the meal is over, so
    they don’t have to clear.

 

 

We hold these truths
to be self-evident and affirm to maintain these articles of law as can be
witnessed in homes throughout the world each Friday Night!

 

            Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

            R’ Dani and Chani Staum       

            www.stamtorah.info