“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Acharei Mos-Kedoshim
Avos perek 3 – 22nd day of Omer
7 Iyar 5783/April 28, 2023
MATURE SOLDIER
Our children are often told that growing up entails becoming more mature.
I occasionally ask my students and children how they define maturity and what
it means to them. Their answers are varied and sometimes they can’t really
pinpoint what it means to them.
A colleague of mine who is a seasoned educator recounts a personal story
to new incoming students at the beginning of each school year.
A while back, he was the dean in an out-of-town school. One evening, the
local township placed a stop sign outside the school. The next morning a police
officer sat outside in his cruiser waiting for the first person to run the new,
unexpected stop sign. Obviously, it didn’t take long.
One student on her way into class was pulled over on school property. The
dean saw the flashing lights, heard how gruff the cop was speaking to his
student and saw that his student looked crestfallen. He walked over to her to
offer moral support. The officer immediately lashed out at him to get away, but
he replied that he just wanted to make sure his student was okay. When the
officer repeated that the dean had to immediately leave, he replied that he
would do so as soon as he knew the officer’s badge number. That, he admits, was
a big mistake.
A moment later he found himself being thrown against the police cruiser,
arm raised and handcuffed. He was then thrown into the back of the cruiser.
Meanwhile students and parents were pulling into the school parking lot trying
to figure out why in the world their school dean was being arrested like a
criminal.
He was driven to the police station where he was put into a large jail
cell with many other inmates. Late that night he was finally released, and the
overly aggressive cop was reassigned desk duty.
When he was first led into the cell, the other inmates asked him the
classic number one jail question – “what are you in for?”
When he explained that he was interfering with a traffic ticket they
hardly believed him. But the part that amazed him, and that he would share with
his students, is that he seemed to be the only one who did anything wrong.
Every other inmate in the cell, after noting what they were accused of, would
insist that they were completely innocent, and were mistakenly arrested or
framed. Even the guy with clear blood stains on his shirt accused of murder
insisted he hadn’t done anything, and they arrested the wrong guy.
After sharing this story, my colleague looks out at the students and
notes that they have not come to school that year simply to learn academics,
but also to grow as people. An important part of that growth entails taking
responsibility. Even when one falls short of his expectations, he must be able
to admit to it and assume responsibility, so that he can grow from the
experience.
This is the point I convey to my students and children as well. An
integral component of maturity is taking responsibility and not looking to
shift the blame.
Rav Samson Rafael Hirsch explains that the Jewish idea of viduy –
confession, does not entail confessing to another person, or even to G-d.
Rather, it is an admission to oneself that he has come up short in his
responsibilities. In order to say viduy one must first get past his natural
defenses and excuses. “Only if we have the courage to censure ourselves, to
consider our blemished past with the same attribute of honesty with which it is
viewed by G-d, only then is there hope that we will realize our resolutions and
fulfill our duty in the future.”
It is not shameful for one to sin. In fact, to err is as natural as being
human. The Torah and Gemara are replete with statements and stories that
demonstrate this. What is shameful is when one cannot fess up to what he has
done and refuses to take responsibility for his actions or their consequences.
That is a telltale sign of immaturity. Leadership begins with maturity and the
courage to assume responsibility and not shy away from it, even when there are
challenging consequences.
On February 1, 2001, during the second Arab intifada, Dr. Shmuel Gillis,
42, a prominent hematologist and father of five, was shot and killed while
driving home from work. Ten days later, Tsachi Sasson, 35, father of two, was
also shot and killed while driving home on the bridge between Yerushalayim and
Gush Etzion. Both were murdered by Arab terrorists.
In their memory, their widows founded Pina Chama – The Soldier’s Corner
(literally – The Warm Corner). It is a place where soldiers can rest and relax
and enjoy some free refreshments, and a cold or hot drink, provided with a
smile.
Pina Chama is maintained by volunteers and supported by donations.
In April 2010, I had the great fortune to join an Orthodox Union
Rabbinical Mission to Israel together with 25 rabbis from across America.
One of the places we visited was Gush Etzion, which
included a stop at Pina Chama. While there I noticed a small, printed card with
a picture of an Israeli soldier and a Hebrew message. The picture was of Tsachi
Sasson and the message was a letter he had sent to his younger brother Gabi on
the day of his induction into the IDF in 1989.
I was very inspired by the message, and I kept the card.
The following is my loose translation of the letter. (I hope it’s
accurate.)
To Gabi,
It’s true that the following message is somewhat ideological. But we have
to strive for high ideals. I wholeheartedly wish you success during your army
service.
To be a religious
soldier –
To daven Shachris after
a white night[1];
to daven ma’ariv after a journey
During free time to
learn Mishnayos, even when you feel tired
To reply to anyone who asks questions or wants
clarification, to become strengthened from it and not, G-d forbid, to feel
broken
At times to forgo a hot meal in order to adhere to the
laws forbidding mixtures of meat and milk
To seek out time for prayer every day, because the
commanders often forget how much time prayers require
To bear the shame of those who make the rules, and to
explain that you don’t throw rocks
To be particular not to use foul language – because
wearing a kippah on your head demands that you speak pleasantly
At times to forgo watching a movie or attending a party
to maintain greater values
Not to try to change everyone around you and not to
allow everyone around you to change you
To bear the title “Religious Zionist” with pride, to
live up to it and not allow it to be just a theoretical concept
Place this card in your wallet and read it periodically to refocus
yourself.
The main thing is to demand the most from yourself.
You are capable of great things,
Tsachi
Tsachi’s sense of mission and dedication to his values is exemplary. The
army itself commands discipline. But a religious soldier has the added
responsibility to be dedicated to his values and the demands of halacha.
His words remind me that I too must have that level of dedication and
sense of responsibility. I too need to view myself as a soldier with a mandate
to be uncompromisingly loyal. I too must strive to be a mature person despite
living in a world of immaturity, always casting blame and aspersions. I too
must be able to bear responsibility for my mishaps and shortcomings, so that I
can be a leader within my own family and community.
It is this attitude and mindset that has maintained the Jewish people throughout
history. It is through the tireless contributions of great individuals who have
undertaken the responsibility to preserve and perpetuate the Torah. It is how
we have returned to Eretz Yisroel after centuries in exile and how we continue
to thrive there despite the odds and daily challenges. It is how the Torah
world has rebuilt from the ashes and restored the crown of Torah in Eretz
Yisroel.
We view ourselves as soldiers, proud members of the army that cannot, and
will not ever be defeated.
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Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’
Dani and Chani Staum