“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Vaera 5785
23 Teves 5785/ January 23, 2025
Mevorchim Chodesh Shevat
DRIP DRIP
Our plumber, Menashe, is a wonderful guy. He’s the type of person I am happy to meet almost anywhere – a wedding, parent teacher conference (some of our children attend the same schools), or in one of the local stores. The only place I’m not so excited about seeing him is in my house, because it means he’s coming to fix something that broke and it’s going to cost me. The truth is when something needs to be fixed, I very much anticipate his arrival. But I would rather not have needed to be so happy with his coming in the first place.
Last week our plumber paid us a visit. (That’s how the expression goes, although the reality is that we paid him for the visit…) There was a steady unrelenting leak from the ceiling in our kitchen. We tried to figure out the leak’s patterns – if it worsened when we used the sink or shower or flushed the toilet. But there didn’t seem to be any such patterns. It was just a relentless leak. It was dripping from the ceiling and had ruined the paint and plaster around it.
Menashe arrived and within five minutes found a leaking pipe that was causing our problem. After he changed it, the leak immediately stopped, leaving us to contend with the unsightly damage that the leak wrought upon our ceiling.
It seems that the pipe had been leaking for some time but had been hidden within the ceiling. But eventually the weight of the water in the ceiling broke through. That was when we realized we needed plumber intervention quickly.
One of the more difficult periods of parenting is when our children reach preadolescence and adolescence. Foreign hormones invade our formerly sweet and innocent children, causing awkward physical changes and transforming them into moody, unpredictable teenage beings. Much of that is par for the course, forcing both parent and adolescent to learn to navigate those changes together.
But at times with some of our children there may be some changes that occur that shake us. It often manifests in negative behavior or challenges to authority or religious lifestyle.
At times the child may have been dealing with certain issues that went undetected for a long time earlier. On the outside, he or she looked like a happy go lucky kid. He may have been a decent student who coasted from grade to grade. But within him there were tempestuous feelings simmering below the surface. Like a leak in the ceiling those feelings went undetected. When the child became a teenager, however, those issues finally exploded like a burst dam.
Parents and teachers often wonder what happened to their child, not realizing that there were unresolved issues there all along that are only now coming to the fore. Sometimes it could have been academic issues. I have had students who had unresolved reading challenges for which they were deeply ashamed. No one realized the internal struggles they were dealing with and so were shocked when the child lost interest in learning.
In order to repair the damage of a leak, one can’t simply seal up the hole and patch it up. Doing so is foolish because the leak will soon create a new hole, and the damage may be even worse if the leak hasn’t been repaired.
First the leak has to be fixed. Only then can the unsightly mess be patched up.
If we focus too much on the negative image a struggling teen is projecting, it can worsen the already volatile situation and further fuel the teen’s negativity. First there must be an effort to “plug the leak” by identifying the source of the issue and understanding why the teen feels ostracized or ashamed.
Leaks are never pleasant, but they are indicators that something is wrong. If one deals with the leak properly, he can be confident that he won’t have to deal with future heartache from that leak.
It’s a great analogy for raising children. It’s also a reminder that we don’t always know what’s happening within. At times it’s a matter of being more conscientious to our children and paying more attention to what is really happening with them. But at times we will have no way of knowing that there is an issue beneath the surface. That is why tefillah is always a vital component of child-rearing. Our ultimate partner is the only one who can truly guarantee the successful efforts of our chinuch.
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum
Strivinghigher.com