Rabbi Berel Wein[1]
The Four Sons
The chochom is not the son who has a PhD or a high IQ. איזהו חכם הרואה את הנולד””. The mishna in Avos states that the wise person is one who anticipates consequences, and what will happen in the future. The mishna doesn’t say הרואה את העתיד – one who sees the future, but הנולד. When a parent holds their infant child, they have projected hopes and dreams for their child.
Often, we are so busy raising our children that we don’t share our dreams for them or tell them their identity and who they are.
Years ago, when I was a lawyer in Chicago, I argued a case for a client in the Municipal Court of Chicago. The judge was Norman Eiger and he judged the motion in our favor. Afterwards, when I got into the elevator he came in at the same time. He congratulated me on the case and told me, “You argued well, counsel!” I thanked him and took advantage of the moment and asked him, “Your honor, may I ask you a question? There was a great rabbinic sage named Eiger. Are you a descendant of Rabbi Akiva Eiger?” He replied that his sister had recently mentioned to him that they were related to a great Jewish sage. I suggested to the judge that he research his worthy lineage. The judge dismissively replied that it wasn’t important to him. If it was unimportant to him, it was surely less important to his children.
The chochom builds towards his future and understands that his choices impact his future. (I find it fascinating that I woke up for our first child, but our second child was so well trained that I didn’t need to wake up for him…)
At a pidyon haben, the kohain asks the father מאי בעית טפי. It’s a deep question – what do you want for your child?
The chochom contemplates these questions.
I want to live past the grave, and the way to do that is to teach Torah to my children.
If the Rambam were to walk into this Bais Medrash, he would recognize us as b’nei Torah.
When I was producing the video about the life of Rashi, I developed a friendship with many of the non-religious staff.
One of them was telling his brother about the video, and his brother replied, “don’t you know that we are descended from Rashi?” When the video came out he brought his entire family to see it. They connected with their past.
One of the members of the production team became a ba’al teshuva just from working on the film about Rashi.
On one occasion, one of them asked me למה החרדים אינם כמו רשי I replied – that he might be right but מדוע החילונים אינם כמו רש”י – “he’s my zaydei as much as he is yours”.
So many Jews think Jewish history began in 1897/1948/1967. They lose out on our long history before then.
The truth is we are the only people to come back. Every empire that existed at the beginning of the nineteenth century didn’t finish the century – English, German, French, Austro-Hungarian, Ottoman, and Russian empires were all dissolved.
We are the only people to come back, and we endure despite the fact that we live in a bad neighborhood. As the navi Malachi declared: “אני ה׳ לא שניתי ואתם בני יעקב לא כליתם – I am Hashem who has not changed, and you, the sons of Yaakov, have not been destroyed.”
When he visited Israel in the early 1990s, the Pope put a note into the cracks of the Kotel – who could believe such a thing? (No one knows what to do with the fact that he did it.
Secularists are embarrassed that a believer showed up. Religious don’t know what to make of it because they don’t know what minyan the pope belongs to…)
It’s a fulfillment of the Talmudic statement that אין בעל הנס מכיר בנסו.
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The Rasha is a chotei, literally translated as a sinner, but more literally is “one who missed the mark”. He’s aiming for the wrong thing, like drinking salt water to quench his thirst.
The rasha fails to see the meaning behind Shabbos and a life of Torah. He is bothered by the inconvenience – מה העבודה הזאת לכם He’s full of depression and misery, like much of our world. Why so much sadness if there’s so much blessing? Because he has missed the mark.
אותי עזבתם באר מים חיים לחצוב להם בארת נשברות אשר לא יכילו המים
The rasha is empty because he fails to see the depth and meaning of it all.
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The Tam is also referred to as a foolish son. Why is he deemed foolish for asking a straightforward and simple question?
When the Torah records the questions of each of the sons it uses different expressions.
In regards to the chochom it says כי ישאלך בנך מחר לאמר and Rashi comments יש מחר שהוא אחר זמן – when it says tomorrow it’s not to be taken literally, but as a reference to a time in the future.
In regards to the Rasha, the pasuk says והיה כי יאמרו עליכם בניכם and doesn’t say anything about מחר. The rasha lives in the moment and doesn’t think at all about the future.
Then, in regard to the Tam, the pasuk says והיה כי ישאלך בנך לאמר מה זאת. Here Rashi explains יש מחר שהוא עכשיו ויש מחר שהוא לאחר זמן – here Rashi says that tomorrow can indeed refer to the following day, and it can refer to a future time.
We see from Rashi that the wise son asks solely about the future, while the wicked son lives completely in the moment. But the Tam wants to live in both worlds – he wants to live in the moment and also for his future. His foolishness lies in his naiveté: You can’t have both; in life you have to choose. Do you want to live only for the moment or do you want to live for your future?
The haskalah preached that one should behave as a Jew in his home and as a non-Jew on the street. They ended up with nothing. The street sent them to Auschwitz and at home their children aren’t Jewish.
Judaism imposed limitations which must be adhered to in order to be a proper Jew.
The Tam thinks it’s a “feel good religion”; so make it up as you go along. One who molds Judaism as he pleases needs to ask himself – what about my grandchildren? If one doesn’t respect the laws and limitations of Torah, his religiosity won’t stand the test of time.
Recently, here in Israel the conservative and reform movements advertised for alternative marriages. No rules or regulations; do as you please. No mandatory meetings with rabbis or Rebbitzins, no mikva etc. But then they had the gall to write that it was חתונה הלכתית כדת משה וישראל. Ironically, the Israeli government made them take down the ad for false advertising. Do what you want, but don’t claim it’s according to the tradition of Moshe v’yisroel.
There are always consequences for such things. The Tam is simple minded and doesn’t recognize the consequences.
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Finally, we have the sheaino yodeia lishol. We have raised a generation that doesn’t know how to ask. The rule is that faith always presupposes doubt. If there can be no doubt, there is no room for faith.
All of Torah Sheba’al peh is based on questioning. But our generation has decided that questions may not be asked and so we have a generation that doesn’t know how to ask.
When I was younger I went to public school, and would come home and learn Gemara with my father for a few hours each day. I remember once we learned a sugya in bava kamma, where the Gemara has a discussion that lasts more than two pages. At the end the Gemara concludes by saying “kasha!” It remains with an unresolved question. I asked my father why we needed two pages for the Gemara to end that way. My father replied that no one ever died from a question.
In life we often conclude about events – “kasha!” That’s part of our belief system.
We have to figure out a way to inspire all of our children in the manner that speaks to them.
I had a student who moved to Seward Park, Washington. There was a Reform Temple in Oregon that offered a course in comparative religions. Orthodox Judaism was one of the religions they studied. As part of their study a group of about 30 young reform Jews came to the orthodox community to spend Shabbos with them. After Shabbos the reform Jews commented that the orthodox rabbi has a far easier job than their rabbi. Their rabbi has to come up with a new service every week, based on events and the times. But the orthodox rabbi is able to use the same service each week.
The truth is that it’s a far greater challenge to use the same service and yet infuse renewed emotion each week.
That’s our task with the four sons. We must make sure to show how Torah and mitzvos speaks to each one.
- Written by Rabbi Dani Staum ↑