“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Vaeschanan/Nachamu
10 Menachem Av 5780/August 1, 2020
Avos perek 3
BEHIND CLOSED
DOORS
What an
unusual baseball season it has been! In a season that began quite late and had been
shortened to 60 games, a couple of games were already cancelled because of an
outbreak among Miami Marlins players.
The
games are being played in empty stadiums without fans. In some stadiums
cardboard cutouts of fans were placed in the stands around the stadium. Artificial
sounds of cheering crowds for the home team are also being sounded. Some (real)
fans are complaining that the cutouts look freaky and should be removed.
The roar
of the crowd is a tremendous motivator. Every sports player is aware that
talent alone doesn’t win games. There also has to be strong drive and
determination. When playing in front of an emotional and exuberant home crowd,
even during those games when a player may feel sluggish, he will be revitalized
by the cheering reverberating throughout the stadium. Playing without crowds is
far more challenging. Then the question becomes how each player can perform
based on his abilities and self-generated determination and drive.
Rabbi
Chaim Vital writes that the true measure of a person’s sincerity in his service
בין אדם למקום can be viewed
by how he davens in private. When one is in Shul, no matter how sincere his
prayers appear, on some level he’s motivated by a desire to present himself in a
positive vein to others. But on those occasions when he must daven alone, that
is indicative of how his connection to Hashem really is.
Rabbi
Shimshon Pincus notes similarly that the true assessment of one’s interpersonal
relationships, is apparent from how one treats his/her spouse. A person can
appear to be most wonderful to everyone and yet be a terror in his/her own
home. It’s what happens behind closed doors that reveals one’s true character.
During
the months of isolation during the pandemic we were all forced to confront… ourselves.
Davening in private and spending endless hours with the family in our own home
tested who we really are, beyond the public view.
The
Gemarah (Pesachim 49a) write: “A man should always be prepared to sell all he
owns and marry the daughter of a Torah scholar. Such a union bears an analogy
to grapes on a vine interconnected with the grapes of another vine (“invei
hagefen b’invei hagefen”), which is something fine and acceptable.”
Such wine is particularly flavorful because the product of one vine enhances
the product of the other.
Why did Chazal
choose to compare a proper marriage to grapes, more so than any other fruit?
Generally,
the blessing recited on a fruit is, boray p’ree ha’aytz. However,
if one squeezes out the juice from that fruit and drink its contents, the
blessing recited prior would be shehakol. When one is eating foods
that require different blessings, borei pri ha’aytz takes precedence
over almost all other blessings, while shehakol is the final blessing recited.
Thus, when a fruit is eaten, the blessing recited over it would take precedence
over the blessing recited over its juice.
The one
exception is grapes. While the blessing recited on grapes is, borei p’ree
ha’aytz, if one squeezes out its juice the blessing is borei p’ree
hagefen. The blessing recited on grape juice/wine, is the loftiest blessing
one can recite on food/beverage. On Shabbos, the blessing on the wine of
kiddush even precedes the blessing recited on the challah.
At a
wedding there is much exterior beauty. The hall, gowns, band, flowers,
energetic dancing and flowing emotions are all quite visible. But what happens
in the public eye of the wedding is hardly an indication of the true character
of the marriage. The true barometer of the quality of the marriage is
determined by how the newlyweds interact in the privacy of their own home.
In their
wisdom, Chazal compare a wedding to grapes, whose interior warrants an even
greater blessing than what is recited on its exterior. This is the blessing we
confer upon the newlyweds. We pray that the wedding with all its external
beauty, be only the beginning of the true inner beauty that is hidden from the
public eye and grows as the years of marriage continue.
During
the last few months of the pandemic, in accordance with legal restrictions, many
marriages have been reduced to the barest minimum on many levels. The
disappointment, frustration, and heartache that those newlyweds surely endured
in having dreams of their beautiful weddings cancelled should never be
undermined. Yet, so many attendees of such weddings – including parents and
even chassonim and kallos themselves – described a certain ethereal beauty and
genuine joy at these “Corona weddings”. In a sense, they are perhaps the
epitome of invei hagefen b’invei hagefen, where the inner beauty
and connection far exceeds that which is visible to the public.
These
words are being written particularly in honor of the upcoming marriage of Calev
Minsky to Atara Goldberg. Bruce and Jill Minsky are dear friends. In Addition, we
have watched Calev grow into the fine Ben Torah he is today. Like so many
others, I am also an admirer, and, through his online lectures, consider myself
a student of Rabbi Efrem Goldberg. The Kallah is the daughter of Rabbi and
Rebbitzin Goldberg, and no doubt worthy in her own right. This was surely a
wedding we would have loved to attend in person, but because of our being in
isolation in camp and due to the current restrictions are unable.
Instead,
as we celebrate from afar, we extend our humble beracha that it truly be a
shidduch which is ענבי הגפן בענבי הגפן,
a home that will surely bring pride and honor to their wonderful families,
communities, and to the Jewish people.
May they
build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel.
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’
Dani and Chani Staum